


Calling From the Middle Place

by ten9



Series: I Am My Beloved’s [7]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Disturbing Themes, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-04-06
Updated: 2008-04-06
Packaged: 2017-11-28 23:40:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/680194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ten9/pseuds/ten9
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>picks up where part 6 left off.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Calling From the Middle Place

**Author's Note:**

> firstly; These characters are owned by their respective studios and producers; I make no profit from these stories, they are provided for personal use only and remain the copyright of the author. They may not be reproduced either in whole, in part or posted elsewhere without permission.
> 
> And second; Sadly, our beloved Area 52 HKH seems to have been taken down permanently after more than 10 years of service to the alt-fic community. I stopped uploading my “Beloved” series on AO3 some time ago due to their many technical problems but, until I find somewhere else to post them, I’ll give it another go and see if I can get all 20 posted here. (Keep your fingers crossed)

**I Am My Beloved’s**

**Part 7**

**Calling from the Middle Place**

_“What we call the beginning is often the end_

_And to make an end is to make a beginning._

_The end is where we start from.”_

_T.S. Eliot, “Four Quartets” (“Little Gidding”)_

 

 

 

_“What in the fuck was that?”_

_“What do you mean you’re not in your room?  Where are you?”_

 

Cassie could hear the fear that had crept into their voices and smiled darkly.

 

“I don’t know where I am…”

_“You’re in_ my _room, Cassie.”_

 

Cassie looked around the brightly decorated room with half-lidded eyes,

 

_“I switched places with you when you jumped,”_

_The two Cassie’s heard her snort in amusement,_

_“It’s a miracle I didn’t end up the in the wrong reality…”_

_“Who are you?”_

_“I’m_ you _, you fucking morons…. I’m Cassie….  I jumped when you two did and now I’m in your room in your reality, and you’re in mine… enjoy….”_

_“Wait!”  Cassie whirled in the grayness that surrounded the middle place, “You have to switch back!”_

_“Are you kidding me?”  The voice was laced with contempt and incredulity, “Do you know how long I’ve waited for this moment?  How many hours I’ve listened to the two of you babble on about your stupid, nonsensical bullshit lives?”_

_“But why? I don’t under…”_

_“You’ll see…” The voice seemed to purr around them._

_The Cassie from Sam’s old world could swear the grayness seemed to shimmer and pulsate slightly every time the third Cassie spoke,_

_“There’s nothing I need to tell you; you’ll find out on your own.   All I wanted was to have my mom back, and now I do.”_

_The Cassie from Sam’s old world peered into the surrounding gray, “You mean Janet… Janet Fraiser?”_

_There was no answer and Cassie stepped forward, “Look, I lost my mom too so I know how you f….”_

_“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” The middle place boomed with Cassie’s rage, “You don’t know shit about how I feel!  Or what I’ve been through!”_

_The middle place seemed to expand and contract as if in respiration before Cassie continued, her voice sneering,_

_“But you’re going to find out, Cassie… just wait….”_

 

Cassie rose smoothly from the bed and picked up the pair of pajamas that had been draped over the back of a chair.  She quickly undressed and changed into them, stuffing the white hospital scrubs into Cassie’s, now _her_ backpack, and shoved it under the bed.  She paused by the door, willing her heart to beat normally.  She stood there for two full minutes before smoothing down her hair and pulling open the door, walked down the hall and into the living room.

 

***

 

_“Oh my god, what do we do?”_

_“I don’t know…”_

 

Cassie rose from the bed and looked around the sterile room,

 

_“Well, this Cassie’s room seems to be… It looks like one of the observation rooms at Cheyenne…”_

She walked to the heavily reinforced door and wasn’t surprised to find it locked.

_“_ Crap… _Well, I’m definitely locked in here.”_

_“Are you on the base?”_

_“I don’t know…” Cassie whispered nervously, “but I don’t think they keep her in here for kicks.”_

 

***

 

“Mom?”

 

“Welcome back,” Janet pulled her arms from around Sam and walked across the room to her daughter, “Did you have a nice time?”

 

“Uh… yeah…” Cassie forced herself to breathe normally as Janet slid her arms around her and hugged.  She could feel her eyes well with tears and she furiously blinked them back.

 

“Oh, don’t worry, I’m not mad,” Janet pulled back and playfully tweaked at her nose, “But you could have told us you had plans for New Years Eve...”

 

Sam had followed and pulled Cassie into a hug as well, “Yeah, don’t worry; I can keep her occupied while you party.”

 

Cassie’s vision blurred slightly at the feel of the woman’s body pressed against her and beneath her hands and she found herself unable to stop her fingers from furtively squeezing and caressing the flesh through the fabric.  Sam let go and walked back to unplug the lights on the tree, “But you will, obviously, have to tell us where this party is going to be…”

 

Cassie turned to go back to her room, “Uh, yeah, of course… you, uh, you betcha’…”

 

Sam snorted in amusement, “Yah; that was convincing… _hey!”_

 

Cassie nervously turned back, “Yeah?”

 

“Hopefully we won’t wake you before we leave for work in the morning, so remember the keys to my car are on the hook in the kitchen, alright?”

 

“Wait, you’re gonna’ let her drive around town in _your_ car?”  Janet’s voice was laced with sarcastic disbelief but her eyes crinkled in amusement.

 

“Well, yeah,” Sam rose from unplugging the lights, “The minivan _isn’t cool_ , she can’t be seen driving around in _that car_ , Janet.”  She returned to Cassie and slung an arm around her shoulders as she guided her down the hall, “Now _the Trans Am_ … the Trans Am is _cool_ …”

 

They heard Janet snort behind them, “Yeah, that’s because it resembles an F-117 on steel-belted radials…”

 

Sam chuckled and Cassie struggled not to pull away too abruptly from her, “Great, thanks… well, good night.”

 

“’Night, kiddo… Merry Christmas.”

 

Sam dropped the arm from around her and turned to check the front door, the beginning of her nightly rounds to secure the house before bed and Janet stepped up from behind and slid an arm around her from the other side,

 

“Goodnight, sweetheart, Merry Christmas.”

 

***

 

“Well,” Cassie sighed, “Here goes nothing…” and knocked on the heavy door.  She took care to step in front of the security camera and waited.  Finally the monitor next to the door flashed on and she could see two men dressed in fatigues on the black and white screen looking at her, 

 

“Yes?”

 

“Uh… yyyyyeah…” Cassie hesitated before plunging ahead; _there’s just no way to make this_ not _sound crazy_ , “I, uh, need to know two things … uh, first I need to know where I am; then I need to know who’s in charge here….”

 

She tried to appear calm and relaxed as she stole a look at the monitor and caught the two SF’s looking at each other in bewilderment.

 

 _Oh, yeah, this is_ really _going to suck…._

 

***

 

 “She seems stressed out…” Janet mumbled from their bathroom.

 

“Cassie?”

 

“Yeah, maybe we should try to squeeze in a trip to Disney World over New Year’s…”

 

Sam laughed, “So she can cancel her date?”  Sam arched her eyebrows at the lighted doorway,

 

“Oh… yeah…”

 

Sam snickered, “I think she might be too old for Disney World…”

 

“Why?  We’re not.” She said, her tone indignant, making Sam grin broadly,

 

“Let’s ask her first…”

 

“Okay.”  Janet emerged from the bathroom, clicking off the light as she left, “What are you doing?” she murmured as she slid under the covers.

 

“Well,” Sam was kneeling on the floor in front of the nightstand, digging through the bottom drawer, “I’m already more than a month pregnant, pretty soon I’ll be too big to wield any of the toys in here with any proficiency, so I thought…”

 

Janet snickered, “Oh, please… when was the last time we used any of those toys?”

 

“Don’t you like them?”

 

“Yes, sweetheart, but you’re usually too impatient to stop and pull out anything from there…”

 

“Yes, but that’s because I make the mistake of touching you first and at that point I can’t think coherently enough to stop and grab a…”

 

Janet laughed, “I love how it’s always my fault…”

 

“Always…” Sam beamed down into the drawer and pulled out a double-ended dildo, “The Feeldoe okay?”

 

Janet snorted and smiled, “Yes,” she flung off the covers and spread her arms and legs wide on the mattress, _“Take me…”_

 

 _“Ooo.”_   Sam smiled and climbed onto the bed, the Feeldoe in one hand and the tube of lubricant gel in the other, “What a romantic you are….” and climbed on top of her wife.  Leaving the dildo and lube on the mattress she wrapped her arms around the slim form beneath her and breathed in her ear, “I need a few minutes for this first,” and kissed her deeply.

 

Janet wrapped her legs around her hips and arched into her, moaning softly at the feel of Sam’s soft pubic hair grinding into her own.  Sam slowly kissed her way down Janet’s neck, tonguing and laving her way across Janet’s chest, pausing to suckle the stiffened points on her breasts.

 

Janet moaned and pressed Sam’s head into her flesh, her other hand grabbed the dildo and took the length of it in her mouth.  Sam looked up from her ministrations to watch as Janet fellated the lavender cock and moaned.  She pulled the silicone phallus from Janet’s mouth and sucked it into her own, her eyes closing at the taste of her wife’s saliva.

 

Janet turned her head slightly and closed her lips around what Sam called the “pony end” and watched Sam’s eyes become black with desire as she watched Janet fellate the bulbous end of the dildo.  Sam pulled the phallus from both their mouths and kissed Janet deeply, a low growl issuing from her throat as she pressed her wife against the mattress.  She sat up on her knees and reached for the lubricant, flipping the cap back she applied a generous amount on the end of the dildo and Janet spread the lube over its surface with her fingers,

 

“I’m already well lubricated, my love,” she purred and reached between Sam’s legs to stroke the lube on her fingers into Sam’s folds and opening.

 

Sam grunted and arched into the small hand, “Oh gonuhhh…” she moaned, her eyes squeezing shut at the feel of Janet’s slippery fingers fondling her depths.

 

Smiling, Janet placed a lingering kiss in her mouth and lying back on the bed, draped her legs around Sam’s.  She watched as Sam spread her knees and inserted the bulbous end of the dildo into her opening and sighed.  Janet felt her breath deepen and her vision blurred briefly, the sight of the lavender phallus rising from her wife’s center reminding her of the first time they used the toy,

 

“Sam…” she whispered hotly and slid her thighs onto Sam’s.

 

“Tell me if this is uncomfortable….” Sam mumbled as she positioned the tip of the dildo against her opening.  Janet adjusted her hips, opening herself wider for deep penetration but Sam stayed where she was.  There was something about this moment… the ever-present moment when Janet spread her legs for her… when she opened herself to her that was both revelatory and transcendent… trust and vulnerability, desire….  Desire for penetration, for union…. Sam lowered herself on top of her wife, sliding the member deep inside.

 

“Ohhh….” Janet groaned, “oh, yes, sweetheart….” She arched her back and thrust against the phallus as her body engulfed it, reveling in the sensation of fullness as Sam slowly began to stroke the dildo in and out.

 

Sam’s head arched back as she moved on top of her; the bulbous end rocking inside her own depths making her tremble in rapture, _“Oh god, Janet…”_ she moaned, “Oh my god… _this feels so good.”_

 

“Good… good….” Janet repeated, panting, _“more… more….”_

 

Sam’s brain registered the request and she began to thrust with more purpose; endeavoring to lengthen the strokes, gripping the small shoulders beneath her, “ _Unh…_ _nugh-unh…”_ she grunted as she undulated, thrusting with more vigor, _“I’m… I’m….”_ Words deserted her; the silicone that connected them so closely, binding them by their innermost regions… the end of the dildo that rocked inside her, in an inexplicable way, made Sam feel as though she were actually inside her wife.  Just knowing the feel of the thrusting cock inside Janet mirrored the fullness of the end that rocked inside her own depths made Sam’s head swim and she groaned aloud, her breath rapid and shallow as she drove the phallus within them both.  To be between her legs… to hold her this close… inside her… _inside her… inside her inside me…_

 

Janet whimpered and moaned, clutching at Sam’s breasts; she licked at them hungrily and wrapped her legs around Sam’s hips, meeting her thrusts.  Together they sighed, grunted, whimpered and moaned softly, connected by the sounds of wet, of slippery silicone and the devouring worship of Janet’s mouth on Sam’s breasts.

 

They wrapped their arms tightly around each other as the thrusting intensified, and Janet finally released Sam’s tortured nipples and managed, between labored breaths and soft cries, “My mouth…” she panted, _“in my mouth.”_ and Sam obeyed, placing her mouth over Janet’s she thrust her tongue inside, grunting as she thrust her tongue in cadence with her thrusting phallus below.

 

Sam only tore her mouth from Janet’s when she felt her wife’s cum burst onto her open folds, her body answering in her own climax; a single jolt of cum streaming from her, mixing with Janet’s.  Her head flew back, her mouth open wide in a silent scream, becoming completely rigid even as she trembled violently.

 

Janet arched her back and hips from the mattress and into her wife, lifting her as she bucked and moaned and convulsed.  Unable to keep her eyes open, she surrendered to the orgasm and pulled Sam to her, pressing tightly against her, emitting soft grunts and cries in Sam’s ear as the waves shook her.

 

Sam pressed her pelvis close, reveling in the feel of the combined cum collected between their folds and Janet reached a hand between them, scooping the warm wet and brought the sopping fingers into her mouth.  Sam placed her mouth over Janet’s and kissed her, sucking and lapping at her mouth and fingers.  Janet pulled them from their hotly connected mouths and reached between them again; this time she offered the gathered cum to her wife, painting her lips briefly before Sam sucked them hungrily inside.

 

They kissed, savoring their combined essence for several minutes until Sam, still draped limply on top of her, finally rose up on her elbows and looked down into angelic contentment, “My god,” she panted, grinning, “that was fantastic.”

 

“Yes, sweetheart,” Janet agreed, “it was.”  She stroked fingers through blond and pulling Sam close, whispered hotly in her ear, _“Now take me from behind….”_

 

~

 

Cassie sat back down on the bed and brushed the side of her face with her fingers.  She looked down at the tears she had collected there in befuddlement.  Thoughtfully, she rubbed her thumb and fingertips together and looked around the room; in spite of the hours spent observing the life the Cassie from this reality lived, she was going to have to spend the night becoming hands-on familiar with everything in it.

 

 _Thank god they leave so early for work,_ she thought as she reached for Cassie’s purse and pulled it towards her; _I’m gonna’ get the best sleep I’ve had in a long time when I’m done in here._

 

***

 

They lay tangled together under the covers, Sam’s head lay on Diane’s shoulder as they kissed, Diane’s tongue sweeping dreamily in her mouth.  Her left arm was wrapped around Sam’s shoulders while she cupped and stroked Sam’s face with her right, the fingers eventually trailing down to fondle Sam’s breasts, teasing the soft nipples into stiff peaks, smiling against her mouth as Sam emitted small whimpering noises of pleasure.  She slid her hand down the length of Sam’s arm, clasping her hand and guiding it between her legs, pressing the fingers between her folds,

 

“Please, Sam…”

 

Sam slid her fingers through the folds, rubbing the tiny nerve bundle between her thumb and index finger, making Diane gasp,

 

“Please, what?”  Sam breathed against her open mouth.

 

Diane pushed Sam’s fingers further between her folds; “I want you inside me.” She husked, “I want your fingers inside me…” she moaned as Sam pushed a finger inside, “I want all your fingers inside me.”

 

Sam’s finger stilled and her brow furrowed, “Do you mean...”

 

“Fist me.”  Diane whispered harshly in her ear, “Please, please, I need you inside me…”

 

Sam withdrew her finger from the liquid center, her hand rising to cup Diane’s face, tilting toward hers, “Di, I’m af…”

 

“Don’t be afraid, Sam,”

 

“I don’t want to hurt you…”

 

“I know,” she smiled, “You won’t… I’ll tell you if it hurts.”  She turned toward the hand that fondled her and sucked the finger that had been inside her depths into her mouth, stroking its length with her tongue, her eyes closing at her taste and Sam drew a sharp intake of breath.

 

Janet had fisted her many times during their marriage, _but Janet’s long fingers and beautiful hands were a lot smaller than mine_ , she mused, her eyes half-lidded as she watched Diane suckle her forefinger then add her middle finger and fellated both in her mouth.

 

She finally pulled the digits from her lips and pushed Sam’s hand back beneath the covers and between her legs, “It’ll be okay,” she husked as Sam pushed between her folds, stroking them.

 

“If it hurts we stop.”  Sam looked deeply into her eyes as she stroked her, sliding both fingers down and inside,

 

“Oh…” Diane’s head dropped back on the pillow, “oh, yes… yes, I promise.”  Her hips began undulating against Sam’s hand and she reached to push the covers off them both.

 

Sam knelt at her side, pushing her legs apart as Diane sat farther up on the pillows stacked behind her.  She added a third finger, the dripping arousal between her own legs adding to Diane’s musky sexual aroma that filled the room.  Pumping and stroking the clutching inner walls, she reached her free hand under the pillow and removed the tube of lubricant.  She flipped the cap and pulled her fingers from within until just the tips rested inside, squeezing a liberal amount of lube onto them before again sliding them deep inside.

 

“More…” Diane panted, “inside me… more.”

 

Sam added her pinkie finger, her attention focused on how tightly Diane’s inner walls clutched at her, “Relax, baby…” she whispered, “you can’t let me in if you don’t relax and open for me.”

 

Diane whimpered as she struggled to obey, her eyes beseeching as she lay back against the pillows and spread her legs farther apart.

 

“That’s it.”  Sam stroked her fully and tucked her thumb into her palm as her four fingers pumped inside the slippery depths.

 

“Sam?”  Diane began bucking against her once again, “P-p-please my love.”  She begged, her Aussie accent becoming thicker, “Oh god, Sam please …”

 

Sam licked her lips and pushed her hand deep inside Diane with her next thrust, her knuckles and hand making a sharp popping sound as they pushed past the ring of muscle, her fingers instinctively folding her hand into a fist.  Diane arched her back and cried out, her body trembling.  _Oh god,_ Sam moaned inwardly and froze,

 

“Are you alright?” she whispered fearfully.

 

Diane groaned, panting, and clutched at Sam’s forearm, “Don’t pull out,” she begged, “Don’t…”

 

Sam placed her free hand over the one that held her firmly in place, “You have to let me p…”

 

“No…” Diane gasped, shaking her head, “no, love, it’s… it’s…” She pulled Sam’s hand even further inside and cried out again, “kiss me…” she husked.

 

Sam cupped her face with her free hand and leaned to place a gentle kiss against her lips.  Diane moaned in her mouth, then briefly sucked and nibbled at Sam’s bottom lip, “Its aces, my love.” Sam’s brows knitted and her nose wrinkled in bemusement, “It’s wonderful.”  She clarified, her eyes closing as she lay back against the pillows, “I’m ready,” her eyes opened again, deep smoky blue regarding her, “fuck me, Sam.”  She murmured and milked Sam’s fist with her inner muscles, alternately clenching and releasing them.

 

Sam released the breath she’d been holding and looked down in wonder at her wrist where it disappeared inside Diane’s opening.  She twisted the fist inside, thrusting gently, making Diane moan aloud, “Oh, god, yes…” she hissed through clenched teeth and gripped the pillows behind her with both hands, “more now…” she bucked against the hand, spreading her legs wider as she arched against her, “Fuck me…”She groaned as Sam continued to thrust gently, twisting her wrist.  Sam watched her face intently; each time the knuckles on her thumb or forefinger brushed against her g-spot Diane moaned and writhed against her.  She placed her free hand on Diane’s mound and pressed on it lightly, stroking and massaging, feeling her fist through the flesh as it moved deeply within Diane’s body.

 

“That’s it, baby,” Sam breathed, her confidence growing with each groan, “ride me…” and brushed the pebbly surface within more firmly, making Diane cry out.  Her fingers pulled on the folds and she bent to lick the clitoris that emerged from beneath its hood, “let me fuck you.”  She husked and licked the tiny organ.  Diane cried out again, inarticulate sounds coming from her.

 

Sam smiled and began to avidly lick the throbbing organ as her hand pumped and twisted inside.  _To feel this close, this connected, to be inside her this deeply…_ _so this is how Janet felt when she fisted me_ , she thought, nearly delirious with the sensation of the inner walls rhythmically squeezing her hand and the sight of her wrist where it disappeared into Diane’s glistening opening, her long legs spread wide.

 

Diane stroked the back of Sam’s head; pressing her mouth and tongue more firmly against her, her moans and cries increasing.  Her chest heaved and she panted, “S-S-Sam,” she groaned, her voice ending in a whimper, _“S-Sam?  Nuh-ugh… please, love…”_

 

Sam turned to look at her and Diane leaned forward again, lifting Sam’s chin and hotly planted her lips over Sam’s waiting mouth.  Lips and tongues battled for dominance as Sam continued to pump and twist her fist and she groaned loudly in Diane’s mouth, suddenly aware that her own arousal was now dripping freely between her legs and soaking the mattress beneath.  

 

Diane sucked hard on Sam’s tongue, and when she finally pulled free she grunted aloud as she rocked and thrust her hips onto Sam’s hand, 

 

 _“Oh god!”_ she cried, forcing herself up and onto her elbows, “Oh, oh-h… oh god, Sam,” she groaned, breathless, _“I’m coming.”_

 

They both looked down to watch as Diane’s vagina seemed to balloon out around Sam’s thrusting wrist.  The sight and sensation was overwhelming and Diane’s head dropped back and she screamed her orgasm, her vagina tightening painfully around Sam’s wrist and hand.  But only Sam’s eyes showed her discomfort as the power and beauty of Diane’s orgasm held her transfixed; she drew ragged breaths as she cried out and groaned aloud while her body bucked and convulsed, her knuckles showing white as her hands gripped the pillows beneath, her loud moans and cries bringing Sam to the edge of her own climax.

 

What felt like long minutes passed before Diane began to ease down.  Closing her legs around her forearm, she wept as she curled around Sam’s form; wrapping her arms around her.  Sam was alarmed but stayed connected to her, whispering softly into her hair.

 

“Hey,” she finally asked, her eyes black in the light, “Are you okay?” Diane could only nod and stayed where she was, her body still trembling.  Sam relaxed the hand within and tried to pull out,

 

“No!”  Her voice shook as hard as the thighs that still held her firmly in place.

 

“I have to pull out, baby,” Sam begged her, “let me pull out.”

 

Diane dipped her head to suckle at Sam’s breast, “Wait,” she breathed against her flesh as she licked and sucked Sam’s already painfully hardened nipple.  With a gasp she released Sam’s tortured breast and again pressed her mouth against Sam’s.  Sam cradled her head with her free hand and kissed her gently,

 

“Please…” She begged again and Diane smiled sweetly and caressed her face.

 

“Alright.”  She whispered between still labored breaths and opened her legs, tucking herself close against Sam’s neck.  Sam pressed her lips tightly together in concentration and slowly pulled her open hand from Diane’s body.  The sight held her in amazement until Diane whimpered and cried out,

 

“Di?”  She whispered fearfully, “Baby, did I…” She held up the hand that had been inside her and inspected it closely for blood.  She laid her on the mattress and gently pulled her legs apart, “Let me see,” she whispered desperately, “let me see….”

 

Diane complied as she wiped the tears from her face, “I’m alright.”  She hiccupped, “Sam, I’m okay.”  She lay back on against the pillows and held out her hand, “Come here…”

 

Sam looked from Diane’s still swollen folds and tissues to her tear-stained face, a long moment passed until she bent to nuzzle and place a soft kiss against her mound and finally crawled to press her length along Diane’s.

 

Arms and legs entangled with one another as the two women exchanged soft kisses.  Several minutes passed that way until Diane pulled her mouth from Sam’s, contented blue looking into contented blue,

 

“That was wonderful, Sam.”  She whispered, a soft smile tugging at her lips, “You are wonderful.”  She murmured, her hand trailing across Sam’s abdomen and down, between her legs, “But I’ll bet you have quite a powerful orgasm waiting to be released….” She only massaged Sam’s mound, smiling as Sam’s eyes again turned black with desire.  “Shall I get some toys out for you?”

 

Sam’s eyes closed and she groaned and pressed Diane’s hand between her thoroughly sodden folds, “No…” she panted; “I’m pretty sure this will only take a minute.”

 

Diane smiled and quickly made her way between Sam’s legs, “Well then,” she purred, her accent becoming as thick as her voice, “let’s see how fast and hard I can make you come…”

 

~

 

The alarm went off and just as Diane reached to turn it off the phone rang. Sam heard her answer,

 

“Hello?”

 

The conversation was brief, Diane only saying, “We’re on our way.” before hanging up. She turned to Sam’s questioning gaze and said, “That was General O’Neill; he wants us both in his office in ninety minutes.”

 

Sam arched her eyebrows at her,

 

“It seems Cassie is hallucinating and thinks she’s someone else… or rather, she is claiming to be a Cassie from another reality.”

 

~

 

Diane sat quietly with her hands folded neatly in her lap.

 

“So how likely a scenario is that?”  Gen. O’Neill shrugged his shoulders at the women.

 

Sam’s brows knit tightly together against the pain in her arm and shoulder and she reached inside the sling to rub her forearm thoughtfully, “It is in keeping with the conversations she’s been having with Diane lately.  But is she from another reality?”  She shrugged one-sided, “I don’t really know what to think, sir… but then we didn’t know she could do a lot of thing s until a couple of years ago.”

 

Diane nodded, “I think this is what she’d been hinting at for some time, even to you, General.  But is this Cassie really from another reality?  Or is she just our Cassie, playing some game, delusional or otherwise…”

 

“And the tape clearly shows her hospital pajamas changing into street clothes when she falls back on her bed…” the general injected.  Diane arched her eyebrows at him and he turned to Sam, “Could our Cassie do that? Could she change her clothes in there to make her story more believable?”

 

Sam sighed heavily, “I don’t know, sir.  Anything’s possible, I guess.”  She pulled the hand from her sling, “I’ll go talk to her.”

 

“Uh, no.…” Jack looked at her with flat disapproval.

 

“Sir…”

 

“Carter…” he paused at her look of determination, “Crap, alright.”  There was a knock at the door, “Yes, Walter?” Jack looked to the sergeant as he poked his head through the door,

 

“Sir, could we see you in the control room for a minute?”

 

“Okay,” he nodded and rose from his chair, “You two go ahead,” he nodded to the women, “I’ll catch up.”

 

~

 

Cassie sat on the bed, trying to calm herself,

 

_“Hello?” she called into the middle place, “Are you here?”_

_“Yeah,” Cassie appeared in front of her, “What’s happening?”_

_“Yeah,” a voice sneered from the surrounding gray, “what is happening in my old reality?”_

_“Why are you doing this?”  Cassie demanded._

_“I told you,” the voice purred around them, “My mother was killed in my reality, and I just wanted her back.  Then, one day when I had nothing to do I was meditating, and sitting very quietly, when suddenly I could hear the two of you blabbing away in my head.” The voice emitted a long sigh, “It took me a while to figure out what was going on… but once I did I decided the only way to get my life back was to jump into your reality and take it for my own.”_

Cassie looked around the sterile room, 

_“But why did they lock you up in here?”_

_Cassie snorted, “Oh, I lost my temper one day…”_

_“Uh-huh…” Cassie rolled her eyes expressively at the other Cassie; “and?”_

_“And I stabbed Sam.” She said; her tone flippant, “I still don’t know what the big deal is; she didn’t die.”_

_Both Cassie’s mouths dropped open,_

_“But why?”_

_“BECAUSE…” she suddenly boomed, “She called mom into the middle of a firefight offworld and got her killed!”_

***

 

Cassie strolled through the house, taking in the furniture and stopping to admire the Christmas tree when she entered the living room,

 

_“I’m gonna’ do it right, this time.” She said, almost to herself, “I’ll finally finish off that fucking bitch and mom and I will leave and live happy lives together…”_

_“Oh my god, please…” Cassie begged, “You can’t do this, Cassie…”_

“Really?”  Cassie murmured aloud.  She made a slow turn towards the kitchen, “I’m starvin’,” She entered the kitchen and opened the refrigerator, “time for some OJ.”

_“Oh, and you should know Nirtti is looking for you… well, she’s looking for me, but she’ll find you, won’t she?  She’s collecting all her Hak’taurs in that reality.” she chuckled, “You both think being Hak’taur is so great, you be sure to let me know how it works out for you when she finally finds you…”_

_“What?”_

 

***

 

Cassie looked up at the window as Sam and Diane walked into the observation booth,

 

“Cassie?”  Diane’s voice crackled through the speaker.

 

“Yes?”  Cassie looked from her to Sam, “Sam?  Did Uncle Jack tell you what happened?”

 

This Sam looked different compared to the Sam from her reality, harder somehow.

 

Sam took a deep breath, “Yes…” she rasped in a hoarse voice.

 

“Cassie,” Diane cut in, “could you explain to us exactly what’s happened?”  She noted Cassie’s look of non-recognition and added, “I’m Doctor Rayne, Cassie’s psychiatrist.”

 

***

 

“Hey,” Janet said softly as she knocked on the open door to Diane’s office, “Have a minute?”

 

Diane gave her a lop-sided grin, “ _Hey_ yourself, yeah, I had a cancellation so I’ve got,” she checked her watch, “an hour if not more, come in.” Janet shut the door behind her and dropped into the chair in front of Diane’s desk, 

 

“How was your holiday?”

 

“Fine, how was yours?”

 

Janet beamed at her, “It was great.”

 

“I understand congratulations are in order…”

 

Janet nodded, still grinning; “Sam has been five weeks pregnant since Christmas Eve.”

 

“My,” The corner of Diane’s mouth quirked in tandem with her eyebrows and she murmured, “How time flies.”

 

Janet ducked her head shyly and gave a soft snort of amusement, suddenly at a loss for words,

 

“Nervous?”

 

“A little, maybe,” Janet conceded, “yeah...”

 

Diane simply raised her eyebrows and waited,

 

“I don’t know, Dine,” she shrugged her shoulders, “I just keep thinking about when you brought up the issue of trust in marriage and I… I am just amazed sometimes that Sam trusts me so much…” she looked down at her hands, “given what I’ve done to her in _our_ marriage.”

 

“Like what?”

 

“Do you know how many times I’ve had her locked up?” She looked imploringly at Diane before looking away, “There was the time a program called Urgo had been implanted in her brain… or when that alien gave her a false memory of a fifth member of SG1, or when she was suspected of being brainwashed and I not only locked her up but…” Janet blinked rapidly, trying to force away the image of putting her wife in restraints and tying her to the bed.  “uh…” and how Sam softly comforted her,

 

_“Janet? Hey, look at me… it’s alright.”_

 

“But I sedated her too…” Janet suddenly stopped talking and pressed her lips together; the memory of Sam looking up at her from the bed she was tied to while she injected her haunted her still. “When Jolinar took her….” Her voice faded as she gazed out the window,

 

_It had taken nearly all of her strength to maintain her composure when she had begged the general to allow her to talk to Sam, and when the symbiote that possessed her wife’s body refused, she lost the grip on her steely resolve and flung herself at the bars, screaming for Sam, begging and pleading to speak to her wife; the memory of their first Kawalsky lying on the ramp with only half his head pushing her over the edge of reason, making her scream in agony while Jack and Daniel rushed to pull her from the bars, how Daniel held her after they dragged her from the room..._

 

“Surely you had no choice in those incidents, Janet.”

 

Janet shook her head, her eyes still fixed on a distant point far beyond the glass, 

 

“Don’t you think she would have understood that?”

 

“The worst was during the alien incursion of the base…” she swallowed past the lump in her throat, “When it was all over Sam collapsed…. One of the aliens had worn a device that made it look like me… accessed my memories….” Her eyes brimmed; “someone who looked just like me tied her to a bed and repeatedly injected her with some substance…” she tried and failed to clear her throat, “I saw the security tapes… afterward… I saw how she screamed…” Tears finally slipped from her eyes and she covered them with her hand.

 

“But that wasn’t you, Janet…”

 

Janet sniffed and quickly wiped her face, shaking her head, “I was never able to determine the structure of the compound, it had deteriorated too much by the time we were revived and Sam and the others secured the base…. She was so sick, Dine, she was in so much pain and she looked so scared when she came to and saw me…”

 

“But that was an alien that did that to her, Janet, and she knew that, she was just confused when she woke up… wasn’t she?”

 

Janet nodded, looking down at her hands,

 

“How was she when she realized it was you?”

 

Janet sniffed and wiped her nose on her sleeve, “Relieved….” Sam had cried weakly with relief and Janet had lowered the rail on her hospital bed so she could hold her in her arms and murmur reassurances against her hair.

 

“Do you really think trust is an issue with Sam?”

 

Janet shook her head, looking back down at her hands.

 

“We’ve talked a lot about Sam’s nightmares, tell me about yours.”

 

Janet sniffed, “My nightmares only happen when I’m awake.”

 

~

 

Cassie walked from room to room, over and over again.  She had seen these rooms through the other Cassie’s eyes, but now that she was here she wandered from one room to another, lightly touching objects as she passed.  _It’s like a dream_ , she thought, _a dream come true._   She walked into her mom and Sam’s bedroom and stopped in front of the bureau.  She picked up the picture of them at their wedding, both in dress uniform, the moment captured Sam trying to feed cake to Janet; both women were laughing but there was something about the way they looked at each other, something in their eyes… _crazy in love_. Cassie thought, and replaced the framed photo to pick up the one that sat next to it.  This was a picture of the three of them; a much younger Cassie smiled into the camera, sandwiched between the two women; the moment catching Janet as she planted a kiss on her daughter’s cheek while she looked over her head, adoringly, up into Sam’s eyes; both women’s eyes crinkled in amusement.

 

 _“Whatever…”_ Cassie muttered and placed the photo back on the bureau.  When she looked up she caught her own reflection in the mirror and stopped.  She stood looking deeply into the eyes that stared back at her for several minutes until she silently turned and left the room, this time closing the door behind her.

 

***

 

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Diane whispered as they left the observation booth.

 

“Well,” Sam rasped, “When my Cassie was little she gave herself a couple of little scars on her knee and elbow falling off her bike… scars this Cassie claims not to have and I can’t really see from up there….”

 

“Do you really think she is who she says she is?”

 

“In the realm of possibility, yeah.”  Sam nodded to the SF’s who stood watch, “I’m going in.” She husked then turned back to Diane, shrugging, “We really don’t have a whole lot else to go on outside of her word, different clothes and a couple of missing keloid scars, so…” she turned back to the door, “Here goes…”

 

***

 

Again Diane waited quietly for Janet to continue,

 

“It’s happened at least two times…” she whispered almost wonderingly to herself, “twice, at least…. There’s almost,” she whispered, briefly squeezing shut her eyes against the word, “ _almost…_ nothing worse than having your wife sit you down and tell you she’s going on a mission she doesn’t expect to return from…” she drew a deep breath, “when she and Teal’c went in search of the Asgard and she was kidnapped and tortured by Fifth… she told me she would do everything in her power to come back, but they were going to have to burn that ship to a crisp to get to the Asgard and if they weren’t there…” she drew a shuddering breath, “Or when she told me an asteroid was on a collision course with Earth and she had a plan to stop it but if they weren’t able to we had less than two weeks.…”  Her voice trailed away again as she fought and failed to push the memory from her,

 

_She had clamped a hand over her mouth but the sobs broke from her anyway and she shook her head desolately from side to side as tears spilled down her face and over her hand and her wife had pulled her close,_

_“I’m hoping it won’t come to that, but Janet,” Sam implored her, holding her face in her hands, “if we can’t destroy this asteroid you have to take Cassie through the gate to the alpha site,_ andyou have to go with her _, do you understand?”_

Her chin trembled, the waver in her voice unmistakable, “Two long, mind-numbing weeks…”

 

_Janet’s eyes finally closed and she nodded, resigned.  It was late at night and their daughter was asleep in her room down the hall but Janet had still whispered in a choked voice,_

_“Yes… yes, I understand.”_

_But she didn’t want to understand, and Sam had pulled her onto her lap and held her for a long time, rocking her in her arms until Janet finally pulled one of the scarred hands that held her and first placed a trembling kiss against the palm before pushing it beneath the robe she wore and between her legs, “Make love to me,” she had begged, brokenly, desperate, “please…” and Sam had complied.  She gently stroked and thrust inside her, all the while softly whispering her love for her until Janet sobbed her climax against her neck._

 

She wiped at her eyes and cleared her throat, “I kept Cassie in school as long as I could then I sent her to the alpha site ahead of me….   I had been among the last few to come through the gate and all I could do was stand there…” her throat closed and she struggled to continue, “and stare at that _fucking_ metal ring.  How could she be dead?  She can’t be, she’ can’t…  It’s like the words were stuck on a loop that kept playing over and over in my head, ‘How can she be dead?  She can’t be, she can’t be dead.  How can she be dead?’”  She let her head drop back for a moment while she tried to compose herself, “I couldn’t even begin to wrap my head around the idea that an asteroid had just destroyed our entire world and I’d have to live the rest of my life on some distant planet….  I couldn’t get that far.  I couldn’t even leave the gate.  I just stood there thinking, ‘How can she be dead?  She can’t be… she can’t be dead….’” Janet’s voice finally broke and she pressed her lips together, unable to stop the flood of remembered images,

 

_Eventually her grief forced her to her knees and she had howled; the sobs tearing from her body with such force all she could do was cry out while Sgt. Siler held her in his arms,_

 

“But then the gate opened again, and General Hammond told you SG1 had succeeded…”

 

Without acknowledging she had heard her, Janet murmured, “Sam figured it out… they had nearly run out of oxygen when the Tok’ra rescued them.  When I finally got back on base I found her asleep in the infirmary.  She had been electrocuted… had worked around the clock for eleven days…. She was so exhausted… she slept for days… I remember standing in the doorway; watching her sleep… and feeling… life come back into my body…”

 

_Tears of relief streamed down her face as she made her way to Sam’s bedside and stroked her face and hair with shaking hands as she slept._

 

Janet sniffed and briefly closed her eyes before glancing down at her watch, “Jesus, Dine, I’m sorry, your next appointment must be waiting…”

 

“Know what I think?”

 

Janet eyebrows arched,

 

“I think issues of trust are the last thing that Sam would ever carry in her heart.  Just as you fear losing her, her greatest fears are of losing you, period.” she turned in her chair to point at the stack of Sam’s medical files on the bureau behind her, “And outside of her experience of actually losing you in her old world, I think Sam’s experiences of loss of you… by way of losing herself, have had the greatest impact on her.”

 

Janet wiped her eyes and Diane continued,

 

“How many times has Sam suffered identity loss?  Think about it; some alien entity suppresses her conscious mind and takes over her body, not once but several times… she’s held prisoner and her captors again suppress who she is and give her a new name and a different past via that memory stamp….”

 

Janet nodded while she spoke, 

 

_SG1 sat tiredly on beds in the infirmary while she hurriedly issued orders to her staff, suddenly overwhelmed by the flood of refugees.  It was Daniel that explained what had been done to them; how memories of their lives had been stamped over with memories of lives created by their captors.  She stole a look at her wife while Daniel spoke and took quiet note of how Sam averted her eyes.  She drew blood on the four and performed quick exams before allowing them to retreat to the locker rooms to take showers.  She dropped off the vials to the lab herself before going to the women’s locker room and when she got there she found Sam huddled in the corner of the shower, her arms hugging her knees tightly against her chest as she sobbed.  Janet had hurried to shut off the water and wrapped a towel around her as she pulled her from the stall,_

_“I lost you!” Sam had wailed, “And I didn’t know who I was!”_

_“No you didn’t, sweetheart, I was right here waiting for you the whole time…”_

_But Sam had been inconsolable and shook her head from side to side as her body shook in her wife’s arms, “No! I lost you and I...”_

“Oh, my god, Dine…” Janet’s eyes suddenly closed and she pressed the heel of her hand against her forehead, “That’s almost exactly what she said…. She was suffering from exhaustion, they all were, but she was agitated too and she said, ‘I lost you and I didn’t know who I was.’”

 

_She looked at her with desperate eyes, “I was empty but I didn’t know why!”_

 

“Those were her exact words?”

 

Janet nodded.

 

“So she didn’t say, ‘they changed my memories and I lost you…’ she identified the loss of you _first_ ….  For her, the fact that someone suppressed the memories of her life was inconsequential; it wasn’t until she lost you that she lost herself….”

 

_Janet held her for a long time before she finally dressed her and took her back to the infirmary.  She placed her in one of the therapy tubs in an attempt to warm her and stop the deep shivering.  Sam had been quiet, unable to take her eyes off her wife while she shed her labcoat and bathed her. She had stayed perfectly still while Janet washed her hair and after several minutes her eyes had finally closed, the touch of her wife’s hands on her body making her feel safe once again…._

 

“In each case, she suffers loss of self, but Janet, I think during those incidents what she lost first was you.  Do you understand?  I think she identifies loss of you with loss of herself.  I think it’s _you_ that defines her… _if she hasn’t got you, who is she?_ ”  Diane sat back in the chair and sighed, “At any rate, I don’t think guilt over protecting her, even from herself, is something you should burden yourself with.”

 

Janet only nodded and Diane regarded her for a moment before asking,

 

“So what about the nightmares?”

 

***

 

“Hey…” Cassie’s voice faded when she took in the black sling.

 

Sam looked at her blankly.

 

“Okay, so...” Cassie held up her elbow for Sam’s inspection and her voice suddenly failed her when she saw the jagged scar on her neck, “Oh, my god,” she breathed, “Did she do that to you?”  Without thinking she reached a hand to the scar making Sam suddenly back away from her,

 

“Yes,” Sam’s hoarse voice rasped and she nodded at her elbow, “let me see that again?”

 

Cassie stayed where she was and held up her elbow again for inspection, “God, Sam, I’m so sorry… she said she tried to…”

 

Sam looked at her inquiringly,

 

“Oh my god,” she moaned, closing her eyes, “I can’t believe this is really happening…”

 

~

 

Jack knew Sam had gone into Cassie’s secure quarters the instant he exited the elevator and saw Dr. Rayne and the SF’s standing nervously around the monitor to Cassie’s room,

 

“SONOFABITCH!”  He bellowed.  Diane held up a hand to stop him but he blew past her to look at Sam and Cassie on the monitor, _“Airmen!”_   He growled, _“Front and center!”_  He took a position in front of the door and nodded to one of the SF’s, “Open it…” he said tersely.

 

~

 

The door opened behind Sam and Cassie jumped back as the room was suddenly flooded with soldiers pointing automatic weapons at her.

 

 _“No!”_   Sam whirled, holding her free hand up to stop them, _“Wait!  WAIT!”_   She tried to shout but her throat abruptly closed at the effort and she erupted in a fit of painful coughing.

 

Cassie froze, her hands held up in surrender as Jack wrapped an arm around Sam’s waist and dragged her from the room.  In what seemed like an instant, the armed SF’s backed out of the room and the door slid shut leaving her alone once again.

 

~

 

“For cryin’ out loud, Carter!” Jack grabbed at his temples, “What the fuck were you thinkin’?”

 

But Sam was unable to answer; the sudden bout of coughing had irritated her throat and larynx and she gasped for air, sinking to her knees,

 

“Sam?”  Diane knelt beside her and wrapped her arms around her, “Sam, slow down and breathe… just breathe…” She tried to sound soothing over the choking noises and Jack hurried to the phone,

 

“This is General O’Neill; I need a medical team…” he noted the awful red color of Sam’s face as she struggled to breathe, “with oxygen on Security Level 3, _right now.”_

 

***

 

Janet sighed in obvious relief at the change in subject, “Sam has been sleeping through the night…”

 

“No, I meant; what about _your_ nightmares?”

 

“Who said I had nightmares?”

 

“After all the talking we’ve done about Sam’s nightmares I can’t believe you don’t suffer from them yourself.”

 

Janet pursed her lips while Diane waited.  She finally looked down at the hands she held in her lap and said in a quiet voice,

 

“The anxiety dreams started while we were dating… and we only dated a short time before getting married… it was around that time anyway, that I started having really bad nightmares.  I eventually asked Warner for some medication to help me sleep the first time Sam went missing offworld for weeks on end…”

 

“Why would you ask Doctor Warner instead of Doctor McKen…”  
  


“I was afraid McKenzie would have me transferred off the base and away from her if he knew.”

 

A small smile pulled at Diane’s lips; when she questioned Gen. Hammond about the propriety of allowing Janet to be Sam’s physician he told her in no uncertain terms it was his belief that allowing Dr. Fraiser to remain CMO and her wife’s physician was often the sole reason the colonel made it back from some offworld missions at all; knowing that her wife waited for her on this side of the gate and no one from the Pentagon or the IOA would dare oppose him.  “Even that last time, Colonel Carter made it back just long enough to tell her wife she loved her before she died….” The general had shaken his head in wry amusement, “The irony is Doctor Fraiser doesn’t know how powerful she is around here.”

 

Janet dragged a hand through her hair, “In the dream the Goa’uld have us… and they’re asking me all kinds of questions and all I can give is my name, rank and serial number….  Over and over again, and all I can answer is name, rank and serial number.  And each time I answer they… they hurt her.”  She gulped and her chin trembled slightly, “The first time I dreamt it after Sam had been tortured.  She came home burned, bloody and traumatized… jumped at shadows…” she pressed her lips together and sniffed, “woke up screaming… cried every night in my arms.  The nightmare started again the next time she went offworld; name, rank and serial number.  And each time I’d answer they’d break one of her fingers and she’d scream.”  The waver returned to her voice, “Or they’d burn her, or cut her, or beat her….  I dreamed that every night until she came home.

 

Then she left on another mission offworld and I kept having the same dream; the torturers would ask me a question and each time I’d answer they would cut her, or beat her, or jam a painstick into her…”

 

“Is it the military’s fault when Sam is hurt?”

 

A bemused look crossed Janet’s features and she hesitated before answering, “No… no, of course not.”

 

“Or is it somehow yours?”

 

Dread, shame and anger seemed to flood Janet’s face all at the same time and she hung her head, seemingly looking at the hands that tightly gripped one another in her lap.

 

“Do you think you somehow make it happen every time you patch her up and send her back out there?”

 

Janet’s chest heaved as she struggled to contain her emotions and Diane rose smoothly from her desk and walked around to sit in the chair next to her,

 

“It’s not your fault when she gets hurt on a mission, Janet.  It’s not your fault when someone else hurts her.  And you don’t set her up for more pain when you treat her wounds….  You save her because it’s your job, and because you love her.”  She draped an arm around the small woman and pulled her close, whispering, “And she fights with everything she has because that’s her job; and because she loves you so fiercely…”

 

Tears dripped from Janet’s eyes and her voice shook, “I know, Dine… I know.”

 

“Do you?”

 

Janet sniffed and sat straighter in the chair, “Yes… I know it’s not my fault when Sam is hurt.”

 

“Okay.”  Diane rubbed her back and arm, “So how are the nightmares now?”

 

Janet sniffed again and wiped her face with her hands, “I don’t have bad dreams as long as Sam is in the bed with me.”  She turned red-rimmed eyes to the tall woman next to her, “I can sleep as long as I know she’s the first thing I’ll see when I open my eyes.”

 

~

 

Cassie clicked the seatbelt into place and smiling, grasped the steering wheel in her hands; it had been a while since she had driven a car and she closed her eyes, reviewing all the rules of the road in her head.  She would take it slow and easy today.  Getting in an accident or pulled over for a ticket simply wouldn’t do, and even though she needed some time to clear her head; _I need to be very careful_.  After memorizing all the framed pictures in the house she decided it was best to lay low until the right moment.  After all the time she spent longing to be with her mother it was ironic that she elected to stay away from her now, but she knew it was easier than having to be around both her and Sam at the same time.  She dug the cel phone out of her purse and called her mother’s office line on the base.  It rang three times before going to her voice mail and Cassie smiled as she listened to her mother’s recorded voice instructing the caller to leave a message,

 

“Hey, mom; I’m finally awake so I’ gonna’ go to the mall for a couple of hours, then maybe the library or something after.  I’ll catch dinner out, so I may not get home in time to tell you guys goodnight….  You know the number; call me if you need me.”

 

Grinning, Cassie hung up and after starting the powerful concept car, backed it ever so carefully out of the driveway and onto the street.

 

~

 

“You look tired, sweetheart,” Janet said as they got in the van, “you feel okay?”

 

Sam nodded, clearly looking tired, “Yes, it was just a long day… Cassie still out tonight?”

 

Janet started the engine and backed out of the parking space, “Yes, she was at the mall when I called her back; we’re on our own tonight.”

 

Sam smiled and leaned against the headrest, “That’s my girl…” making Janet chuckle,

 

“Are you talking about me?”

 

“I could be…” Sam wagged her eyebrows at her.

 

Janet gave her a sly look as she drove from the parking lot, “Oh my… you know; I have a surprise for you once we get off base…”

 

Sam’s eyebrows arched, “A surprise?”

 

“Mmm-hmm...” Janet smiled at her then turned her attention back to the dark mountain road, illuminated only by the van’s headlights, “Open you pants…”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“Unbutton and unzip your pants, please.”  She said silkily.

 

Sam’s eyebrows wagged at her again and she turned to look briefly out the back window as she unbuckled her seatbelt and unbuttoned and unzipped her uniform pants, “Yes, ma’am…”

 

Janet grinned, “Good,” she purred and reached into her uniform shirt pocket with her left hand, “I’ve been warming these up for you all day,” she purred and pulled off onto a turnout.  She quickly shifted the van into park and slipped out of her seatbelt,

 

“Warming what up?” Sam asked, her eyes dark with anticipation.

 

“Ben wah balls.”  Janet replied simply, shifting quickly onto the edge of Sam’s seat she whispered in her ear, “You’ve been wanting to play with our toys lately, I thought I’d let you play with these on the way home tonight.”

 

She rubbed the hand with the balls against Sam’s crotch while she spoke; making her spread her legs and groan softly.  Janet smiled and nipped her earlobe, “Here we go,” She said in her best, reassuring doctor-voice as she slid her hand into Sam’s panties and between her folds,

 

“Oh, godnugh…” Sam’s head flew back, banging into the headrest as Janet rubbed the small metal balls against her already slick folds.

 

“Easy now…” Janet breathed in her ear, “I’ll have to put these in before someone comes driving around the corner…” Sam only nodded and groaned again as her wife pushed the balls inside her, her fingers dragging up through her folds and over her clit, briefly stroking the tiny organ before pulling her hand from Sam’s pants, “There you go…” she said, sliding back into the driver’s seat she quickly refastened her seatbelt, “Buckle up sweetheart.”  She added as she pulled back onto the road.

 

Sam fumbled with her seatbelt, “Well,” she said, trying and failing to sound casual, “are you going to torture me with public sex by going to the grocery store or…”

 

“No,” Janet snorted, “we’re going straight home…. Oh, that reminds me…” and she pulled over again.  This time she pulled a red pocket rocket from the pocket of her uniform slacks and pushed the button on the end, making it buzz loudly in the car, “I almost forgot to add this…” she grinned as she reached into her pants once again, pushing the vibrating bullet between Sam’s folds, pressing it against her clitoris.

 

“Oh, my god…” Sam pressed her lips together.

 

“And you can’t come until we get home.”

 

“Jesus, Janet,” Sam panted, “then you’d better drive fast.”

 

Janet chuckled and pulled back onto the road, “Feel okay?”

 

“Oh, yes,” Sam acknowledged, the strain evident in her voice as she squirmed on the seat.

 

“Good.”  Janet reached for her hand and entwined her fingers with Sam’s.  She stroked her thumb over the back of Sam’s gripping hand, “Just don’t touch yourself, sweetheart.”  She pulled Sam’s hand until her arm was positioned comfortably on the armrest and settled in for the drive.

 

Sam closed her eyes against the sensations between her legs and clutched the armrest with her right hand in a death grip.  Janet was taking care to hit every pothole on the road and Sam took care not to squeeze her hand too hard, squirming in her seat each time the tires banged into them.  She knew there was a wicked smile on Janet’s face; feeling her wife tremble and shake violently beside her,

 

“Enjoying the ride, sweetheart?” she asked sweetly and stroked Sam’s palm with her thumb.

 

Sam could only pant and whimper and squirm in her seat in reply.  After several minutes Sam was crying out, an orgasm fast approaching,

 

“Oh, Jesus, Janet, I won’t make it if you hit every pothole between here and home…” She begged.

 

“Are you nice and wet?”

 

“You know I am.”

 

“Good.”  Janet squeezed her hand, “Just another few minutes.”

 

Sam rolled her eyes in the dark and pressed her lips together in a thin line.   Janet did enjoy her little torments, and Sam strained to come up with a way to get her back if for no other reason than to divert attention from her straining clitoris and the ben wah balls that made her vagina feel as though it was going to explode. 

 

Several minutes passed until Sam finally gasped, “Oh, my _god-nugh_ …  Jesus, Janet, please… _please let me come…”_

 

Janet smiled, “Almost there, sweetheart…”

 

“Janet!”

 

“I was going to make you go all the way into the bedroom first, but hold on and you can come as soon as we park in the garage, okay?”

 

A small, whimpering sound was the only response Sam could make and Janet chuckled as she turned onto their street,

 

“Provided Cassie hasn’t beat us home first.”

 

“Oh, fuck…”

 

Janet laughed aloud, “Oh, look,” she chuckled as she pulled the van into the driveway and activated the garage door opener, “you’re in luck.” She said pointing at the empty driveway and garage.

 

 _“Thank god…”_ Sam’s voice shook as she gripped the arms of the car seat.

 

Janet pulled into the garage and clicked the remote to shut the garage door and parked the van, shutting off the engine.

 

 _“Hurry…”_ Sam panted and Janet obliged her, making quick work of clicking open her seatbelt and sliding onto the edge of Sam’s seat,

 

“Go ahead, baby…” she pressed herself close and whispered, “You can come now...” and grabbed her crotch through her BDU’s, squeezing and massaging.

 

Sam jerked and bucked against her hand and came loudly in the car, “ _Oh, Jesus, god!  Oh, my god, Janet!”_   She cried, moaning and shaking as she bucked against Janet’s hand.

 

“That’s it…” she cooed softly, “That’s it, baby; come as long and as hard as you want…” she murmured, aware that Sam’s brain probably couldn’t understand a word she was saying.  She continued to squeeze and rub Sam’s crotch, sustaining the orgasm for as long as Sam could ride it.  When she finally eased down she placed a kiss against her cheek, “Easy, sweetheart…” she whispered and reaching inside her pants, pulled out the vibrating pocket rocket and clicked it off.

 

 _“Oh, Janet…”_ Sam finally managed and pulling Janet onto her lap; kissed her for the next ten minutes.

 

“Oh, my god, Janet…” she sighed again when their lips finally parted, “You really know how to… _UNH!”_

 

“What?” Janet struggled off her lap, “Sam, _are you alright?”_

 

“Yeah…” Sam exhaled shakily, “The ben wah balls just fell out.”

 

“Jeez…” Janet chuckled, “You scared me…” she muttered as she sat back on the edge of Sam’s seat and slipped a hand inside her BDU’s and underpants.  She felt around longer than was necessary and finally exclaimed, “ah… found your balls.”

 

Sam would have laughed but Janet quickly stroked her still slick, swollen folds before pulling the hand from her pants, “shall we go inside?” she asked innocently before slipping the cream-coated balls into her mouth.

 

***

 

_“Force her?  How in the hell are we going to force her?”_

_“I don’t know.”  The other Cassie shrugged, “But I still think getting the mirror is a good idea.”_

_“I know,” said Cassie, “But she’s fucking crazy and we won’t have enough time….”_

_“I know, I’ll ask Daniel how long till they have their next bull session via the mirrors…. Don’t worry, we’ll figure a way to get you back.”_

***

 

“Carter?  How you doin’?”  Jack asked as he stepped around the curtain.  He took quiet note of how Dr. Rayne held her hand and quietly approved.  Carter looked like shit, lying there with an oxygen mask over her pale features, pain still etching the corners of her eyes.

 

Sam reached to pull the mask off her nose and mouth, “Okay, sir.” She croaked, her hoarse voice sounded even raspier and painfully raw.  Jack gave her a small smile and she added, “She is who she says she is...”

 

“We can’t know that, Carter.”

 

“I think we do…. Sir, I just let her get this close to me; if she was our Cassie wouldn’t she have tried to kill me?”

 

“Yah; and she could have succeeded too since you left all the SF’s out in the hallway…” he stopped himself at her look of shame and took a breath, he swore he wasn’t going to badger her, “Even if it’s true, Carter, so what?  It’s not like we can ever let this one out either.”

 

“Sir…”

 

“NO!  We can’t keep this one!”  Jack shook his head from side to side in exasperation, “Godammit Carter, GODAMMIT _GODAMMIT!”_   He yanked his hands from his pockets and gripping the end of her hospital bed with one hand, gestured wildly with the other, “She wants to get back to wherever the hell it is she came from, doesn’t she?  I don’t care how sane this one is, if we let her out and our apeshit-crazy-Cassie switches back we’ll have a raving fucking lunatic bent on killing you on the loose…” He stopped to rub his face with both hands in frustration, “There’s no way, Carter… _no way_.  Whether she really is who she says she is or not; she’s not coming out of that room unless she’s in the Cryo-unit…and _godammit_ , I mean _ever_.”

 

Sam closed her eyes in resignation and Jack felt suddenly deflated,

 

“Come on, Carter…you know I’m right.  This Cassie can never become our Cassie… she can’t, Sam….  She just can’t.”

 

***

 

“What are we watching?”’ Janet asked as she sat on the couch and snuggled against her wife.

 

Sam wrapped an arm around her shoulders, “I can honestly say I have not the faintest idea.”

 

Janet snorted and nuzzled against her neck, “Why do we even have a TV anymore?”

 

Sam smiled and clicked it off with the remote, “To keep up with the Jones’.”

 

Janet unbuttoned Sam’s blouse while she spoke and pulling out a breast, began licking and sucking at the flesh,

 

“And who are the Jones’?” Janet breathed against the hardened nipple as she reached for Sam’s other breast.

 

Sam moaned softly, “Oh, god… like I would know.”  She husked and placed a finger under Janet’s chin, tilting her face towards hers and placed a hot kiss in her mouth.

 

Janet responded readily, hungrily attempting to devour Sam’s tongue and pawed at the button and zipper on the jeans Sam had changed into.  Her hand dug at Sam’s underwear, blindly searching for the waistband and slipped her hand inside.

 

Sam groaned in her mouth and shifted on the couch, spreading her legs wider and hurried to plunge her hand inside the jeans Janet wore, her hand repeating the same rush to entry; inside her pants and underwear, her fingers pushing into sodden folds and a flood of wet when she entered her,

 

“Oh, god…” Janet panted, “Oh god, Sam… oh…”

 

Janet threw a leg over Sam’s lap and thrust her hips against her as she pushed the fingers inside her wife as far as they would go.  Sam cried out and planted her mouth firmly over Janet’s, hungrily plunging her tongue in her mouth as her fingers drove inside her.

 

They rocked on each others’ fingers and grunted and moaned in each others’ mouths until Janet looked between them, down to Sam’s exposed and heaving breasts, shiny and slick from her saliva and came with a shout in Sam’s mouth, flooding her hand with short bursts of steaming hot cum.

 

“Oh, Jesus!”  Sam tore her mouth from Janet’s and shuddered at the rush of hot cum that suddenly flooded her hand, her body convulsing as Janet’s fingers continued to thrust inside her, curving against the pebbled inner surface.  

 

Janet felt the single jolt of Sam’s cum hit her hand and sighed, her fingers coaxing a long climax from her.  She waited until they had mutually eased down from their orgasms before pulling her fingers from inside Sam and smeared as much of her wife’s cum onto her breasts as possible, then placed a soft kiss against her lips, “Time for bed, sweetheart.”  She whispered then groaned aloud as Sam finally pulled her fingers from inside.

 

“Mmm,” Sam hummed appreciatively as she sucked the fingers into her mouth, savoring the lightly sweet taste of her wife, “I can’t wait to clean you up…”

 

Janet chuckled, “That’s good,” she said, pulling her from the couch, “because I really wet my pants….”

 

***

 

Diane softly stroked Sam’s face with the tips of her fingers.  Sounds of whimpering had awakened her; Sam appeared to be in the throes of a bad dream and she hesitated to wake her.

 

Sam had been quiet since her release from the infirmary and ate very little for dinner.  When they finally went to bed Diane pulled her into her arms and whispered, “I don’t want to shrink you, my love… but please talk to me.”

 

Sam’s eyes had brimmed, “General O’Neill is right,” she shook her head; “I just suddenly had this stupid fantasy that having this Cassie here would make everything right…” She ran her thumb across Diane’s lips, “I could have my daughter back, and she’d love you like she loved me once and,” she shrugged one-sidedly, “we could be a happy family together, you know?”

 

“Like our Cassie wanted when she jumped into this Cassie’s reality?”

 

Sam sighed, “Yeah… I guess so.”

 

“Wanting your daughter back isn’t stupid, Sam.”

 

Her eyes closed in briefly in resignation and when she opened them again she looked earnestly into Diane’s, “I wish you could have known her before she… before she changed.” She swallowed, “She was such a great kid, and she was turning into such an amazing woman, Di…” Sam’s hoarse broke and she blinked furiously, “maybe if we had gotten you to her sooner…”

 

“Sam,” Diane’s said sternly, “it’s not your fault, do you understand?  And I don’t believe I or anyone else, for that matter, could have stopped what happened to Cassie.” She cupped her face, “It’s hard to look at this Cassandra and not see the young woman our Cassie could have become, but neither she nor we could have stopped what Nirtti started.”

 

Sam had nodded miserably and pressed herself close against Diane’s chest, eventually falling into a fitful sleep.

 

Since they started sleeping together, Diane noted Sam often had bad dreams but, so far, she had been able to ease her from their grip, usually without even waking Sam by lightly stroking her face or gently pulling her into her arms and holding her.  But tonight the bad dream held sway and Sam’s closed eyes twitched as she continued to emit small moans and whimpers of pain.  While Diane considered what to try next Sam seemed to curl in on herself in the bed, her cries intensifying.

 

“Shh… my love...” Diane whispered and gently pulled at her, positioning Sam’s mouth against her breast.  Still asleep, Sam pressed close, a small grunting sound escaping her as she suckled Diane’s nipple deep in her mouth.

 

 _Well,_ Diane sighed inwardly, _whatever works…_ and stroked the soft blond locks until Sam finally eased into deep slumber.

 

***

 

Cassie had entered the house as quietly as she could and after changing into pajamas sat quietly on her bed.  Stretching her conscious mind, she first extended it beyond the confines of her body, then beyond the confines of her room and into the hallway…

 

She drew a deep breath in through her nose and exhaled quietly out through her mouth.  She rose smoothly from the bed and padded silently to the door in her bare feet.  She entered the hallway and made her way to Sam and Janet’s bedroom.  She placed the tips of her fingers against the painted wood and closing her eyes, extended her consciousness into the room.  She breathed carefully; in through her nose, out through her mouth, until she realized what she was seeing in the room beyond her fingertips.

 

Cassie could feel the rage build within her as she beheld the scene; both women lay naked on the bed, Sam reclined; propped against stacked pillows, another pillow beneath her buttocks, elevating her pelvis and she watched as her mother feasted between the woman’s legs.  Cassie’s breath quickened as she watched scarred hands stroke and pet her mother’s hair and listened to the sounds her mother’s mouth made against Sam’s flesh… and the moaning that came from deep within both women’s chests.

 

Cassie’s respiration increased as Sam’s chest began to heave.  Unconsciously, Cassie rubbed her fingertips against the door when Sam combed her fingers through her mother’s hair, caressing her, cupping the back of her head, pulling even closer against her undulating flesh.  Cassie’s mouth opened a little wider and she breathed exclusively through her mouth, pausing only to lick her lips as she watched her mother’s hand reach to grab Sam’s nipple, pinching and twisting it, making Sam’s eyes slam shut as she arched forward, into the hand.  Her vision seemed to tilt slightly as she watched Sam’s glistening body tremble and quake, and her unfocused eyes glazed over watching her quivering breasts and long legs… her head rocked back slightly when Sam’s head rocked back, into the pillows, a small mewling sound coming from her chest when her mother plunged three fingers inside her wife.  She watched her mother ram the fingers inside, pumping furiously, her teeth closing around her clitoris and pulling it out from Sam’s body, stretching the fleshy hood, making her buck wildly, arching her back as she pulled a pillow over her face and screamed into it.

 

Cassie suddenly pushed away from the wall and hurried stiffly back to her room.  She locked the door and stripped off her pajamas and lay on the bed, her fingers rubbing furiously between her folds.  She closed her eyes and re-imagined the scene,

 

_Sam tied facedown, spread–eagle on the bed; her mother helpless and tied to a chair as she watches Cassie beat Sam with a leather flogger.  Cassie smiled as she felt the weight of the whip in her hand; felt the blows on Sam’s body, pausing only to look down at her arousal as it ran between her legs.  She looked at Sam’s naked form; covered in sweat and the red welts from the lashes that crisscrossed her buttocks, back and legs._

 

She watched as the pictures in her head jumped in staccato; in a jumbled, disjointed rhythm all their own.

 

_She blinked and suddenly Sam was tied face up on the bed, crying, begging, pleading, and in a wild frenzy Cassie beat her from her breasts to her vulva and thighs until she dropped the flogger and climbed onto the bed._

 

Cassie’s breath was shallow and she panted as she thrashed wildly. 

 

_She made a fist of her hand and pushed her knuckles against and inside Sam’s opening, “Here I come, cunt.” She whispered and rammed her fist inside, making the woman scream.  She laughed as she pumped the fist inside her in a hard frenzy, not stopping until her hand and arm finally emerged from Sam’s body covered in blood.  She reached greedily between Sam’s legs and smeared the blood over the woman’s mound and thighs, alternately laughing and moaning as she reached between her legs again and again to smear Sam’s blood over her own breasts while the woman sobbed and screamed… up over her neck and face and down her body, between her thighs and into her own folds, making her scream in climax._

 

Her body suddenly went rigid and Cassie clamped a hand over her mouth as she strained against the orgasm, holding her breath.  She lay limply on the mattress, panting, willing her breath and heart rate to slow before she rose shakily from the bed and pulled on her pajamas.  _Need to remember to unlock the door,_ she thought numbly as she shuffled tiredly to the window and releasing the latch, pushed it open.  She closed her eyes and inhaled the cold air deeply into her lungs.  Hanging onto the sill, she let the fantasy wash over her one more time,

 

_Then she felt her mother’s arms slide around her, her soft voice whispering in her ear, “Time to go, sweetheart….”_

 

~

 

“She’s buried under the covers.”  Sam reported as she rinsed her mug and placed it in the dishwasher.

 

“Well,” Janet huffed, “she isn’t going to sleep her entire vacation away and then just go back to school.”

 

Sam laughed, “Relax, we kept her going from the time she walked in the door till the day after Christmas, let her recharge first.”  She slipped her arms around Janet and burying her nose in her hair, inhaled deeply.  Janet turned in her arms and slid her arms around her waist,

 

“Hey,” she mumbled and placed a quick kiss against her lips, “No more sex for the day…”

 

“Aww…”

 

“Until tonight.”

 

“Janet…”

 

“Okay, lunchtime…” she snickered, making Sam sigh in relief,

 

“Thank god…”

 

“Who knew being pregnant would actually increase your sex drive?” Janet asked as she reached inside Sam’s over-shirt and tucked a hand inside the waistband of her BDU’s.  She stroked and rubbed the soft skin of Sam’s belly and whispered, “This is our child, Sam.  Not from a sperm donor… _our child_ , sweetheart.”

 

Sam pressed against the hand, “Yep, you knocked me up real good…” making Janet snort softly, “I love you…” she whispered, and kissed her again.

 

***

 

Cassie shook her head, despondent, “So that’s what the gate address is; the other Cassie says you should find a mirror there with no problem, as long as you pay for it.”

 

Sam nodded as she scribbled on her pad in the observation booth, “Don’t worry,” she tried to soothe the young woman, “We’ll do all we can.”

 

Cassie nodded, dejectedly, “She’s so bent on killing her….  She’s so angry, and I just don’t think she’s going to wait around long enough for the other Daniel to warn them …”

 

“We’ll think of something, Cassie…”

 

“Okay.”  Cassie replied, totally unconvinced.

 

Sam and Diane rose from their chairs and exited the observation booth.  Sam was silent while they waited for the elevator and Diane waited until they entered before saying, 

 

“We have to try, Sam.  We have to warn them if we can.”

 

“We won’t get it in time.”  Sam didn’t look at her and Diane took her hand, “She’s right, our Cassie won’t wait.”

 

“If their Sam is anything like you then I’m sure she’s very resourceful and will figure something out…”

 

Sam sighed and gave her hand a squeeze, “Actually, if she’s anything like me she’ll never see it coming.”

 

~

 

_“So, how soon till the next Meeting of the Mirrors?”_

_“Uh,” Cassie looked furtively around them in the middle place, “considering how often we’re eavesdropped on in here….”_

_Cassie mouthed the word, Soon?  The other Cassie gravely shook her head, No._

_“Yeah, by all means,” the grayness boomed and vibrated around them, “do tell.” Cassie snarled._

_“Well, I guess you’re not so fucking smart after all,”_

_The other Cassie stared at her in amazement,_

_“You obviously haven’t managed to kill my Sam and abduct my mom yet.”_

 

“ _Fuck you, I’m just waiting for the right moment…”_

_The other Cassie chimed in, “Big words, coming from a loser who doesn’t even have the guts to show herself…”_

_The gray shook with Cassie’s snort of contempt, “Yeah, I’d fall for that.  I have patience, skill and a superior intelligence… qualities you two obviously lack.”_

_“Are you afraid we’ll kick your ass?”_

_Cassie chuckled, “Oh please, if you’re so powerful, Cassie, why don’t you get yourself out of the room you’re locked in?”_

Cassie opened her eyes and looked around the sterile room,

_“How?”_

_“I’d say with your mind, but you clearly don’t have a lot going on up there.”_

_“You never made it out of here either.”_

_“I could have.” The voice purred silkily, “Anytime I wanted to…. But blowing those doors off the hinges would have served no purpose…” the voice faded, “Not with mom dead…”_

_The two Cassie’s fell silent and the surrounding gray pulsated softly,_

_“Isn’t there anything you two can do with just your minds?” she asked, with seemingly genuine sympathy.  “Oh well,” she sighed, “tough shit.”_

 

***

 

Diane waved to Sam as she pulled away from the curb and fell into step beside her petite wife,

 

“Good Morning, Doctor Fraiser.  Working a shift here at Academy today are you?” She smiled down at her.

 

“Good Morning, Doctor Rayne.” Janet grinned back, “Yes… I still spend half my time here…” They strode inside the double doors and toward the elevators, “Cassie’s home so Sam and I are carpooling so Cassie can drive her car.”

 

“Ah…” Diane sighed as they entered the elevator, “Excellent, and how are you doing?”

 

Janet shrugged, “Well, as you know, the work here never goes away.  But before I dive in this morning I need to schedule Sam for a thorough check up.”

 

Diane snickered, “I meant, _‘how are_ you _doing?’_ but that actually answers my question.”

 

Janet rolled her eyes at her indulgently, “Yes, I know, but Sam’s physical history involves more than just the Voyans performing some scar reduction and making her pregnant with my ovum, Dine.”

 

Diane could feel the elevator rise, “Because of the protein marker and naquada in her system?”

 

“Well, yes, but also because of her past exposure to unknown substances we were never able to catch in a test tube, you know?”

 

“Like from the foothold situation?”

 

Janet nodded, “Yes, like that and when Nirtti altered her DNA…” an involuntary shudder passed through her; as far as she was able to determine, Sam’s DNA had been restored but she was too weak to speak or stand when Col. O’Neill and Teal’c dragged her through the gate, “So she’ll hate it but I’ll be doing regular blood work on her for a while.”

 

Diane followed Janet into her office and closed the door behind her, “Are you anticipating the worst?”

 

Janet dumped her bag on the desk, “And _what_ would constitute the w…” she tried to sound indignant but her voice abruptly faded and she shrugged, “You’ve read her medical history, Dine….”

 

Diane sank into a chair in front of her desk, “I understand why you two want to have more children, Janet, but why is Sam so determined to be pregnant first?” 

 

Janet shook her head, “You know, this all started when she and SG1 first made contact with the people of PeredaVoy.  She had saved one of the Voyan council members from assassination by a religious cult and they became friends of SG1…” she added, “and Earth…. Over time they came to trust us and offered to help Vala and Daniel have a baby.”  She dropped into her chair; “Vala has some anatomical anomalies and, like Sam, naquada and a protein marker that prevented her from carrying a baby full-term.  I was only able to help her up to a certain point then…” Janet shrugged her shoulders in frustration and sighed, “But the Voyans offered the services of their doctors and they had a rather ingenious way of using sound waves, surgically, to correct certain abnormalities….” Janet noted the blank look Diane was giving her and smiled, waving her hand dismissively; “anyway, they noted the naquada and protein marker in her blood and came up with a way for the fetus to shed them after birth, using Vala’s immune system to shed them like a virus.”

 

“Really?”  Diane looked stunned as she suddenly absorbed the enormity of what Janet was saying.

 

Janet nodded, “Oh yes, the implications for adapting such a procedure in treating disease has far reaching consequences for us on this little planet of ours.”  Her expression turned wistful, “But I think that’s really only a small part of Sam’s determination.  Both she and Vala spent time as hosts for symbiotes and at some point, well, I think Vala just asked them point blank if there was anything they could do for Sam and I and the doctors said that on their planet combining ova was done all the time…” Janet opened the bottom drawer with the toe of her shoe and propped her foot on it, “but when Sam heard Vala could bear a child that would shed the naquada and protein marker and be a perfectly healthy baby… I knew she wanted that too….  Sam’s always been different, you know?”  She looked up at Diane who only arched her eyebrows expressively at her, making Janet grin, “I mean, she was both a brilliant and a beautiful child, and that’s enough to make you either popular or alienated.  Sam doesn’t talk a lot about her childhood, and she really doesn’t like talking about her childhood after her mother died.  But Jacob, her dad, did tell me Sam was a loner growing up… even more so after her mother died.  She was brilliant and different and the other kids knew it so she never had friends outside of her books.”

 

She leaned an elbow on her desk, her gaze shifting to the window and the view far beyond the glass,

 

“When she grew up she distinguished herself in college, and then suddenly rebelled against all that and in an overtly defiant act against Jacob she became a fighter pilot, pissing him off and making him proud all at the same time.” She broke into a huge grin that faded as suddenly as it appeared, “You know, she was one of the most highly decorated pilots in the Persian Gulf….” she closed her eyes briefly and sighed at the memory of Jacob telling her the story one evening while Sam slept in the infirmary after being hunted by the supersoldier; tears brimming in his eyes even as his chest swelled with pride, “Having this baby meant she could do something normal, ordinary; she could give me a child, a product of our love for one another.”  Janet’s eyes brimmed and her voice sounded thick, “She wants this so much, you know?  How can I deny her that?”  She cleared her throat, “But it still scares me, Dine, what if…”

 

“Stop it.”

 

Janet’s chin trembled and she pressed her lips together.

 

Diane leaned forward, both elbows resting on Janet’s desk, “For heaven’s sake, Janet, how does she manage to still be alive?  Look at all she’s endured; all the injuries and wounds; how many were life threatening?  How many people could have survived them?  Has it ever occurred to you that it’s your love for her that has kept her in this world?  Has it ever occurred to you that maybe she’s still here with you because that the way it’s supposed to be?”

 

Janet opened her mouth to speak and abruptly closed it again, a brief look of astonishment at Diane’s choice of words crossing her features before she recovered herself, “That, uh… doesn’t sound very scientific….”

 

“No,” Diane was insistent, “but can you really just chalk it up to dumb luck?” she leaned back in the chair, “Maybe that’s what fate or faith, whichever word makes sense to you here, maybe that’s the core essence of what love is.”

 

Janet sighed and a small smile tugged at the corner of her mouth, “Yeah, maybe…”

 

“Well, then, quit fucking around and acknowledge that.  Embrace it, exactly as you embrace her.  And stop believing that something bad will happen to her if you relax for one minute.”  Diane took a breath and exhaled noisily, “Although I suppose that’s a lot easier said than done, isn’t it?”

 

Janet snorted softly, “You’re right, but I’m a slow learner… and stubborn… so I’m told…”

 

Diane chuckled, “Tell me something I don’t know.  Don’t worry; I’ll keep after you until we get you there.” She stretched in the chair, “You mentioned scar reduction, how did that go?”  
  


“Really well, they reduced the scars from the rapes,” Janet cleared her throat, “and the gunshot wound on her chest, the ones on her face, neck… on her forearm, and the deep one on her back...”

 

“Won’t they get to them all?”

 

“Well, she’s had some for a long time; like the ones on her hip, leg and forearm from shrapnel when she flew in the Persian Gulf.” She shook her head, “Voyan technology does have its limits; the older the scars, the less skin cell reproduction they can create.” She grinned, “Although I understand they are going to work on that…”

 

“Good,” Diane rose from the chair, “and I’ll keep working on you.” 

 

“I know,” Janet snorted and rose to wrap the tall woman in a hug, “That’s why I love you, Dine… You’re a good shrink and a good friend.”

 

“Speaking of which, see you both tomorrow?”

 

“Absolutely.”

 

~

 

She had spent most of the day and evening in deep meditation, resisting the two Cassie’s attempts to contact her and was standing at the kitchen sink, drinking a glass of water when she felt more than heard the car pull up into the driveway; _now,_ she thought, _it has to be now._   She steeled herself and finished the water in the glass and with infinite care, placed it gently on the counter.

 

Janet walked in the door first, “Hey!” she greeted her; “There you are!”  She smiled broadly as she dumped her purse on the dining table and grabbed her daughter in a hug, “How was your day?  Who’d you see, whatcha’ do, tell-me-everything.” making Cassie chuckle even as she hugged her back,

 

“Mommmm…”

 

Sam closed the door to the garage behind her, “Hey kiddo, I know it’s late, but do you wanna’ eat out tonight?  You say where.”

 

Cassie pressed her lips together in annoyance as she released her mother, “No thanks, I’ll pass and stay home, you two go out.”  _Or how about if just_ you _go and leave mom and me here_ , she thought, irritated.

 

Janet turned to her, “You feeling okay?”

 

Her lips still pressed in a thin line she turned to smile at her, “Yeah, I’m just tired, but you go,” she turned back to Sam, “go ahead, Sam, it’s not like you haven’t left me behind before.”

 

Sam looked stunned and Janet turned to her in astonishment, “What did you just say?”

 

Cassie turned from Janet back to Sam, “You left me in the missile silo to die when I was little, it should be nothing for you to go out to eat and leave me here,” she arched her eyebrows at her expressively, “at least I’m grown now.”

 

“WHAT?”  Janet she stood rooted to the spot, unable to move, unable to believe the words that were coming out of their daughter’s mouth,

 

“Actually,” Cassie turned to her, “she _locked_ me in the silo; to make sure I wouldn’t get out,” she turned back to Sam, her tone saccharine, “Isn’t that right, Sam?”

 

Sam looked away, her body seemed to curl in on itself as her eyes filled with tears of shame and she blinked them back, “Cassie, I…”

 

 _“Cassie!”_ the young woman mocked; her singsong tone sarcastic.

 

 _“Cassandra!”_   Janet exploded, “I don’t know what your problem is, but you…” But Cassie couldn’t hear her and slowly she stalked toward Sam, her fists clenched at her sides,

 

“It was such an easy solution, wasn’t it?  To leave me in the missile silo…”

 

“No,” Sam’s voice broke as she shook her head miserably from side to side, her face a mask of pain, “it wasn’t easy…. there wasn’t enough time…”

 

Janet ran after Cassie and grabbed her arm, spinning her toward her, _“That’s not what happened!”_

 

 _“That’s not what happened in THIS reality, mom!”_   Cassie fairly spat at her, _“Don’t you get it?”_ She grabbed her mother by her upper arms and shook her slightly as she spoke, “In her _old world_ she left _her_ Cassie in the silo… she locked her in there and left her to die alone!  _She’s not YOUR Sam!_   _She’s not MY Sam!”_   She suddenly let go of Janet’s arms and whirled to face Sam again, “ _You don’t belong here_ ,” she snarled and stalked toward her again, making Sam step back until her back impacted against the wall, “you left me to die so you could have mom _all to yourself!”_

 

Sam shook her head, horrified, _“No!”_

 

 _“You know it’s true!”_   Cassie shouted, thoroughly enraged, making Sam slide down the wall to the floor, her hands covering her eyes, _“YOU KNOW IT!”_ she pointed a finger accusingly then raised her hand as if to strike her.

 

 _“CASSIE!_ ”  Janet had followed her across the kitchen and grabbed the hand; pulling it down and across her body so Cassie faced her, _“STOP THIS!  What are you doing?  What’s gotten in to you?”_

 

Still fuming and her eyes downcast, Cassie planted her hands defiantly on her hips.

 

Breathless, Janet struggled to calm herself and patted at the air with outstretched hands before turning to her daughter, “Apologize.” she demanded.

 

“No.”

 

“Cassandra…”

 

_“No.”_

 

“Alright then,” Janet sighed, “go to your room.”

 

Cassie snorted contemptuously and stormed off to her room, _“Fine.”_ being her only response.  Janet looked at her retreating form in stunned amazement until the sound of the door to the garage closing behind her made her turn back,

 

“Sam?”  Panic filled her as she realized Sam’s denim jacket was missing from its hook next to the door, “Sam!”  She rushed into the garage as the electric garage door raised smoothly on its massive hinges, _“Sam!”_ she rushed to the Ducati and grabbed as her wife tried to swing her leg over the bike, _“Sam, no!”_

 

Sam dropped her helmet on the concrete floor as she wrenched herself from Janet’s grasp, _“Let me go!”_   She ducked her head, unable to look at her and turned to retrieve the helmet.  Terrified, Janet grabbed her by the shoulder and yanked her back, forcing Sam to sit, rather abruptly, on the garage floor.  Frantic, she sat on Sam’s lap, straddling her and grasped her face in both hands,

 

 _“You are not getting on that fucking motorcycle!”_   Her voice broke, suddenly aware she was crying and Sam grabbed at her hands as her own tears streamed over them,

 

 _“Please… please…”_ she sobbed; she squeezed her eyes tightly closed and tried to turn away.

 

 _“No!”_ Janet held her in a fierce grip, _“Sam, you are pregnant with our child!”_   She pulled Sam close and whispered desperately in her ear, “It’s not true, sweetheart, its not.”  She closed her eyes as Sam weakly shook her head and wept, “You were following orders when you left…” She tried to lift Sam’s chin so she could face her but Sam refused to look at her, pressing her forehead into Janet’s shoulder, “But you disobeyed them when you went back!” Janet’s chin trembled and she struggled to continue, “You went back for Cassie!  You didn’t know the bomb wouldn’t go off!  _You went back for Cassie, Sam!”_   Janet’s resolve finally broke and the tears flowed freely down her face as she rocked her, _“You told me!”_   She sobbed, “You told me you lied to Jack when you said you thought the bomb wouldn’t go off.”

 

Janet’s first Sam had quietly admitted this to her late one night; when Cassie woke up she knew she could never leave her in the silo alone, but when it was clear the bomb in her chest wasn’t going to explode Sam needed a good reason for disobeying orders and she admitted that was all she could think of at the time.

 

Janet squeezed her eyes tightly shut again as she whispered in her Sam’s ear, “In your old world you went back down for the same reason, sweetheart, and you told Jack the exact same lie when you came back up… didn’t you?”  Steeling herself with a confidence she didn’t feel, she pulled back from her wife and tilted her face to her with shaking hands, _“Didn’t you?”_   She waited for Sam to answer; her heart pounding painfully in her chest as Sam looked up at her, her eyes a dull shade of exhausted blue.  Finally, she nodded and whispered, her voice half whisper, half groan,

 

“Yes.”  She closed pained blue eyes and sobbed silently into Janet’s shoulder once again, “Yes, I lied.”

 

Janet made an inarticulate sound of relief and held her close, “There,” she soothed, stroking her back, “You see?” She sniffed and pulled Sam from her shoulder, forcing her to look at her again, “And _you are_ my Sam, sweetheart.”  She wiped the tears from Sam’s cheeks with her thumbs and gave her a slight shake, “Do you hear me?  _You are my Sam.”_

 

Sam pressed her lips together against the sob that broke from her anyway, “I know,” she nodded and pulled Janet close to weep against her chest, “I’m sorry… I’m sorry…”

 

~

 

Weary beyond words, Janet paused outside her daughter’s bedroom door and drew a deep breath before rapping softly on the painted surface.

 

“Come in.”

 

She quietly entered the room and closed the door behind her.  Cassie lay on her bed, her hands folded behind her head, “I’m sorry, mom.”  She said without moving, her voice a flat monotone, “I don’t know what got into me, school has just been stressful, I guess.”

 

Janet folded her arms, unsure what to say, “Both Sam and I understand what that kind of pressure can be like… but Cassie…” Janet sighed and dropped her arms as she walked over to sit on her daughter’s bed, “What you said to her just now…”

 

“Was _inappropriate_ , I know.”

 

“It was cruel.”

 

Cassie paused, “I know….  I said I was sorry.”

 

“Cassie…”

 

“I know, mom, I need to say that to Sam and I will.  I’ll tell her in the morning, okay?”

 

Mother and daughter looked at each other for a long time before Janet broke the standoff, “This isn’t about school, is it?”

 

“Sure it is,” Cassie responded from behind closed eyes, “I’m just tired, I’ll be better tomorrow.”

 

“Will you talk to me about it then?”

 

“There’s nothing to talk about.”  She opened her eyes, “I’m just tired, really.”

 

The silence stretched between them until finally Janet said quietly, “Alright, but if you don’t want to talk to me about it then I want you to talk to someone, Cassie… Doctor Rayne at Academy could…”

 

“Let’s talk about it tomorrow, okay?”

 

Janet sighed, “Okay.” she said, standing, “If you’re hungry…”

 

“I’ll grab something from the kitchen.”

 

Janet nodded and bent to place a kiss on her daughter’s forehead, “Okay, sweetheart, goodnight.”

 

Janet left as quietly as she entered and walked down the hall to the master bedroom, when she entered she shut the door just as quietly behind her and without undressing lay on the bed next to her wife,

 

“Sam?”  She whispered, as she pressed herself close, “Sweetheart, you should eat something before you go to bed.”

 

“It’s true, you know.”  Sam mumbled distantly into the pillow, “I did leave her down there… I went back… but I still left her down there… by herself.”  She turned toward Janet, fresh tearstains evident on her face, “She was just a little kid…your first Sam stayed… but in my old world I locked the door and I left.”

 

Janet’s eyes brimmed, “But you went back, Sam….  You went back, sweetheart.”  She brushed the tears from Sam’s face and pulled her into her arms, holding her close, “That’s what matters.” Sam was unresponsive and Janet kissed the top of her head before continuing, “Did your Cassie resent you for taking her down there?”

 

A long moment passed until Sam finally shook her head, “No, she asked me about it a couple of years ago and I told her…  I told her about the device she had in her chest and how it was rigged to blow and…” she sniffed, “I told her I had been ordered to leave her down there but I couldn’t…” her voice broke, “I couldn’t and I stopped the elevator and went back down….”

 

“There,” Janet soothed, stroking her hair, “you see?  And what did she say?”

 

“She said she was glad I came back.”

 

“But was she angry that you left?”

 

“No.”

 

“And she still loved you?”

 

Sam nodded and tucked herself back under Janet’s chin, sobbing softly against her neck.

 

“Okay then.”  Janet murmured and held her tight.  Half an hour passed before Janet whispered, “Sweetheart?  Are you awake?”

 

Sam pulled from her arms and lay back on the pillow; “I held on to her and checked my watch…” she released a shaky breath, red-rimmed eyes turning to her, “I held on to her but all I could think about was how much I loved you…” weary eyes closed and she shook her head.

 

“Sam, just because you loved me it doesn’t mean you loved Cassie any less.  We hadn’t even known her for that long…” she brushed her fingers lightly against Sam’s cheek, “You did the right thing, sweetheart… all of it.”  She pressed close and whispered, “Especially the part where you never stopped loving us.” She placed a soft kiss against Sam’s lips.  Sam sniffed and pressed closer, deepening the embrace until she finally pulled back and pulled Janet’s hand to her lips,

 

“Thank you…” she whispered, kissing the fingers.

 

Janet smiled, “I love you.”

 

“And I love you, Janet,” Sam’s eyes brimmed again, “so much.”

 

“Then get up with me and have something to eat.” but Sam wearily closed her eyes and shook her head, “Or I can bring something in here…”

 

“Its okay, it’s late and I’m really not hungry.”

 

Janet fell silent, unsure what to say,

 

“It’s okay,” Sam whispered, “really.”

 

***

 

“Oh, thank you.”  Sam whispered, and groaned in appreciation at what Diane’s hands were doing to her shoulders.

 

“Turn around…” Diane murmured, positioning Sam’s taut shoulders under the shower’s hot spray.

 

“Mmm,” Sam hummed, “Let me remodel the bathroom.” She mumbled against Diane’s lips before kissing her.

 

Diane chuckled against her mouth, “What?”

 

“Mmmuphm,” Sam hummed appreciatively, her hands stroking the smooth skin, “One shower head is not enough…” She gently nipped at the taller woman’s lower lip, “and we need a seat in here…” and briefly suckled an earlobe, “so one of us can sit while we make love.”

 

Diane’s eyes closed in ecstasy and she smiled as she rubbed her cheek against Sam’s, “Whatever you want…”

 

Sam pulled back to look deeply into Diane’s eyes, dark with desire, “Really?’

 

“Yes, love,” she murmured and captured Sam’s mouth with her own, kissing her deeply. A full minute passed before their lips parted, “Anything you want…”

 

“I _want_ you to come in my mouth.”  Sam husked, and slid her lips along Diane’s jaw line and down her throat.

 

“Oh…” Dine breathed, feeling the answering rush of wetness between her legs, “Thank you…” she panted and pulled Sam’s face to hers, “Thank you for loving me…” she placed a tender kiss against her lips, “for loving my taste…”

 

“Mmm, and your smell…” Sam whispered harshly against her mouth and cupping her buttocks, pulled Diane’s hips tight against her own, “Empty your bladder…”

 

“Hmmm?”  Diane continued to nuzzle Sam’s face with her nose, lips and tongue.

 

“Empty your bladder first.”

 

She pressed herself close against Sam’s body and spreading her legs whispered; “Help me…”

 

Sam pulled her curls tight against her own, grinding their mounds together.  She thrust her tongue hotly in Diane’s mouth and released a thick stream of urine.  Diane sighed and tightened her arms around her as she sucked hungrily at Sam’s tongue and gave a small grunt, releasing a stream of warm urine that ran down between her legs; she felt so wanton… so free….  Both women moaned and grunted in ecstatic pleasure as they ground against each other and the urine poured from their bodies.

 

“Oh, god,” Sam whimpered, “I can’t wait to taste you…” and pushed her against the wall, into the shower’s spray.

 

She slid down Diane’s body, spreading her open with her thumbs, and Diane cried out as Sam licked ardently between her legs.  Diane pressed one hand against the back of Sam’s head, the other against the wall for support; _sitting down…remodeling… good…_ Diane thought deliriously as Sam moaned hoarsely against her flesh.

 

Diane banged the back of her head against the wall as Sam hungrily devoured her; as teeth raked over engorged folds and her mouth suckled and her tongue licked and thrust deep inside,

 

“Oh, my… oh, my God…”

 

Diane’s eyes squeezed tightly shut as Sam thrust two fingers inside, then three.  Her free hand pulled and squeezed Diane’s backside, pulling her closer, deeper into her mouth, harder onto her pumping fingers.  Diane’s moans turned into desperate gasping as she fought for breath in the steamy interior.  Her legs began to shake when she felt Sam’s hand slide down into the valley between the clenching mounds of flesh and probe at the puckered opening with her finger,

 

 _“Oh, Jesus…”_ she pleaded, whimpering, _“I’m so close, please, please…”_

 

Sam smiled deep within the hot folds and gently pushed the tip of her finger inside, she curled the three fingers deep within and stroked the pebbled patch.  She thrust hard, nearly lifting the taller woman off the shower floor until Diane threw back her head one last time; a keening noise broke from her as she came in Sam’s mouth in long waves.

 

Sam was ready and caught the lightly sweet nectar as it poured from Diane’s body, savoring the taste.  Drinking all but the last waves of cum, she lifted her mouth from Diane’s opening just far enough so she could feel it burst against her chin and run down her throat and the valley between her breasts… watching as it gushed from between Diane’s trembling folds…

 

“Oh, baby…” Sam husked, “you’re so beautiful when you come.”  She nuzzled and licked the folds as Diane eased down.  Panting and shaking, Diane slid down the wall to the floor and pulled Sam’s mouth into hers,

 

“Oh, my love…” she breathed against her, then suckled her lips and dragged her tongue over her chin, suckling briefly before dragging her tongue down Sam’s neck, tasting herself, “Thank you, thank you, thank you…” She kissed her way back up and claimed her lips once again, “We _definitely_ need a seat in here…”

 

***

 

Janet sighed heavily into the pillow and reached to turn off the alarm.  She ran a hand through her hair and scrubbed at her face before reaching to turn on the lamp.  She turned to wake her wife and stopped.  Sam’s side of the bed was empty, a note rested on her pillow,

 

<letter>Went to work early.

Don’t worry; took the van.

Love you.

S.</letter>

 

~

 

Janet knocked softly on the door before opening it, “Cassie?” she whispered.

 

“Yes?”

 

Janet hesitated; surprised her daughter sounded awake, “Sam went to work early so…”

 

“I know; I heard her leave.”

 

“Really?”  Janet’s eyebrows arched and she adjusted the tie on the bathrobe she wore as she stepped farther into the room.

 

“Yeah, she left about an hour ago.”

 

Janet heaved a heavy sigh, “Okay, well, I’m working on the base today so I’ll need you to come with me so you can apologize to her for what you said last night…”

 

“Alright.”

 

“Be ready to leave at 6:30.”  She murmured and left the room.  Closing the door softly behind her, she padded tiredly down the hallway, back to her and Sam’s bedroom to take a shower and begin her day.

 

***

 

“Hey,” Sam whispered as she softly brushed the hair from Diane’s eyes, “Hey, sleepyhead, wake up and kiss me goodbye.”

 

“No.”  Came the muffled response, but Sam could hear the smile in her voice.  She turned onto her back and briefly scrubbed at her face and eyes before yawning, “Why in bloody hell do you have to put in such long bloody days that start so bloody early in the goddam mornifmph…” She hummed contentedly into Sam’s mouth.

 

Sam slid her arms around her, resting most of her weight on her left elbow.  Her eyes closed as her lips, mouth and tongue caressed Diane’s.  The kiss was long and sweet, so much so that when they finally parted Sam licked her lips, savoring Diane’s taste.

 

“Sorry about the morning breath…”

 

“What morning breath?”  Sam’s hoarse voice husked and she placed another quick kiss against Diane’s lips, licking them.

 

Diane chuckled, “I love it that you don’t seem to care… I have some appointments at the base this afternoon, can we meet for lunch?”

 

“Yes, but I warn you, if you get there much past noon I won’t be satisfied with just eating food.”

 

Diane smiled wickedly and sat up in the bed, wrapping her arms around her, “I’ll see what I can do about that.” she purred, “Have a good morning then, Colonel…” and kissed her soundly.

 

***

 

Cassie seemed both calm and oddly excited during the ride to the base; Janet stole a look at her and switched hands on the steering wheel,

 

“Hey,” she gave her daughter’s arm a squeeze, “When you’re done switch keys with Sam and drive the van today, okay?”

 

“Okay.”

 

Janet licked her lips before she continued, “Remember what I said last night about talking to Doctor Rayne at Academy?”

 

Cassie looked at her almost serenely, “Mom, let’s just see how today goes, alright?  All I really need is a few nights’ sleep without any…” she sighed, “exams or anyone… I mean, anything hanging over my head.”

 

“Okay…” Janet hesitated before plunging ahead, “Honey, are you okay with the baby?  I mean, are you feeling,” Janet’s voice trailed off, suddenly unable to find the right words, “I don’t know… are you okay with Sam and me having this baby?”

 

Cassie chuckled softly, “Oh please, mom, it really doesn’t matter to me.”

 

Janet opened her mouth to speak then shut it again, she hadn’t expected _that_ answer, “Well, of course it matters, Cassie.  It _should_ matter to you, why would you say that?  We’re a family, and what hap…”

 

“Mom,” Cassie held up her hand, a slight edge creeping into her voice, “Let’s just see how today goes, alright?”

 

~

 

“Hi, Cassie!”  A nurse waved to her from across the infirmary and Cassie waved back, 

 

“Hi!” she called to her and turned toward her mother, unsure if she was supposed to know the nurse by name or not.

 

Janet emerged from her office, sliding into her labcoat, “Ops says she’s in the gateroom doing some maintenance,” She straightened her collar, “want me to go with you?”

 

“Of course,” Cassie beamed at her, “let’s go.”  She breathed carefully in through her nose and out through her mouth.  _Easy,_ she cautioned herself _, you’re so close; just go easy.  This was meant to be…_ _just a few more minutes, mom, and we’ll finally be free._

 

“Hey, Cath?”  Janet called to the woman; “I’ll be down in the gateroom for a few minutes, call me if you need me, okay?”

 

***

 

“Walter?”

 

“General, we just received word that an SF has just been found unconscious, sir.”

 

“Where?”

 

“Topside, at the main gate.”

 

“Okay, lock it down…” O’Neill rose from his chair and headed for the control room, “and get Colonel Carter on the horn.”

 

***

 

Janet stood next to her daughter in the elevator and stole a look at her from the corner of her eye.  She couldn’t explain it; she had no words for the small thrill of fear that suddenly chilled her.  She stubbornly crossed her arms, _stop being stupid,_ she chastised herself and resumed watching the numbers on the control panel as they descended.

 

The elevator finally came to a stop and the women walked together down the hall to the gateroom.  Sgt. Siler entered the hallway as they neared and Janet asked,

 

“Is Colonel Carter still in there?”

 

“Yes, ma’am,” he answered, bringing himself to attention as Janet waved off the salute she knew would follow, “I’m getting parts for a capacitor we’re working on.”

 

Janet nodded, “Okay, thanks.”

 

Cassie sucked in her breath as they rounded the corner, feeling slightly lightheaded when the gate suddenly filled her vision.  Janet hung back a few steps, letting their daughter take the lead,

 

“Uh, Sam?” Cassie approached the woman who dared call herself a parent and plastered a fake smile on her face, “Could I talk to you for a minute?”

 

Sam did a double take as she turned; noting Janet’s briefly raised eyebrows, “Sure…”

 

“Are you working on the gate?”  Cassie nodded at the panel Sam was working on.

 

***

 

“Carter, grab a TER and get Cassie to the gateroom right _now_.  Someone’s on the base and doing their damndest to get to our security level.”

 

“On my way, where am I taking her?”

 

“Beta site for now.”

 

“Is it Nirtti, sir?”

 

“Don’t know, Carter, but we’re gonna’ find out.”

 

***

 

“So is the gate working?”

 

“Cassie…” Janet murmured.

 

Cassie threw her a too-bright smile, “Just a minute, mom.”

 

The air in the room suddenly felt heavy and oppressive and Janet took a step forward, aware her hands had turned clammy in the pockets of her labcoat.

 

“Yeah, Cassie, the gate still works.”  Sam turned to the panel, feeling awkward, “We were just doing some routine maintenance on this capacitor…” she gestured vaguely at it, “I was just about to change out a…”

 

Cassie noticed a toolbox near Sam and walked over to it while she spoke.  She quickly stooped and grabbed a wrench from its contents,

 

 _“Here, let me help you,”_ she hissed and swung the wrench at Sam’s head.

 

 _“CASSIE!”_   Janet rushed forward, her hands outstretched, but the world suddenly seemed to move in slow motion as her daughter stopped her with a hand on her chest,

 

“Not yet…” Cassie smiled breathlessly at her and gave her a little shove backwards before turning back to Sam who struggled to rise from her knees, holding a hand against a gash on her forehead that bled profusely.  Cassie swung the wrench hard, this time hitting Sam across the back of her right shoulder and catching her arm as she instinctively raised it to shield herself from the blow, effectively dislocating her shoulder and breaking her forearm, making her cry out as she fell to her knees once again.

 

 _“CASSIE!”_   Janet shrieked.  Cassie tossed the wrench aside and grabbing her hand in a fierce grip, ran for the gate, _“CASSIE STOP!  Oh my god, Cassie stop!”_

 

“No, mom, it’s okay; come on!”

 

 _“NO!”_   Janet wrenched from her grasp and ran back to Sam.

 

The alarm sounded and Cassie pursed her lips together in a thin line of annoyance and turned to glare at the control room window,

 

“Security to the gateroom!  Security to the gateroom!”

 

As she snorted in contempt the blast shield came down and the heavy doors slid shut just as four SF’s came running into the gateroom.  She pushed with her mind and sent them flying back into the hallway.  She gave a slight jerk with her head and a Berretta suddenly tore from one of the airmen’s hands and flew across the room into her outstretched hand just as the doors closed,

 

Cassie sang softly, “Just find me a knife or hand me a gun.”  

 

***

 

Diane squinted at the caller ID on her office phone at Academy, “Sam?”

 

“Di, I have to make this fast; don’t come to the base, we’re in lockdown, so don’t come to the base until you hear from me or General O’Neill, is that clear?”

 

Diane’s heart suddenly felt as though it was beating in her throat, “Sam?”

 

“Remember I love you.”  She said in a hoarse, breathless whisper and the line went dead.

 

Diane stared in horror at the phone then dropped the receiver on her desk and grabbing her car keys, bolted from her office.

 

***

 

 “Don’t move.”  Janet’s hands shook as she tried to safely position Sam on the cold, concrete floor.

 

Sam gritted her teeth against the pain, “Get me up….” She grunted, struggling against her wife’s hands.  She blinked and wiped at the blood that ran into her eye with her left hand, gasping as she tried to struggle to her knees.

 

“Sam… no, please… just stay still.”

 

“Come on, mom!”

 

As Janet turned to her daughter the gate suddenly came to life and began to turn, the characteristic sound of the first chevron locking into place rang in her ears.  She looked helplessly at Cassie, who only smiled benevolently at her,

 

“I know this is a lot to take in right now,” she raised her voice over the sound of the gate that continued to turn, “but you have to listen to me; I am not the Cassie from your reality.”  The second chevron locked into place with a bang, “And I am not the Cassie from _her_ reality either.” She waved the gun in Sam’s direction as the gate continued to turn and lock chevrons in terrifying counterpoint to her voice.  She smiled and took another step toward Janet; “I am from _another_ reality…” another chevron locked into place, “I switched with your Cassie Christmas night so you and I could go away and live a normal life together, okay?”

 

“Wh-what?” Janet shook her head from side to side, “Cassie, no… no, I…”

 

***

 

Cassie clutched Sam’s hand nervously as the elevator rose,

 

“It’ll be okay.”  Sam whispered hoarsely and gave her hand a squeeze, “But hold onto my arm, alright?”

 

Cassie nodded and moved her hands to clutch at Sam’s upper arm, allowing her to switch the Transphase Eradication Rod from her left hand to her right and Sam clamped her mind down on the pain in her arm and shoulder.  She had stripped off her sling and over-shirt, leaving her in a long-sleeved black tee shirt and slacks.  She pulled the Beretta from the holster strapped to her left thigh and nodded to the four airmen who accompanied them, two of them taking positions in the front of the car.

 

As the doors opened she rasped softly, “Stay a little behind me now.”

 

Sam was cautious as they left the elevator but she hurried them along, scanning the hallway as quickly as she could to speed their progress to the gateroom.  As Cassie dropped behind Sam she let go of her arm but kept the hand pressed against her back, staying as close to her as she could without hindering her movement.  They entered the gateroom and suddenly the four airmen that accompanied them flew backwards into the hallway and as Sam swung the TER it suddenly flew out of her hand and she flew backward into the gateroom and onto her back on the gateroom floor.

 

 _“SAM!”_ Cassie screamed and rushed to her as the blast shield and doors to the gateroom slid shut.

 

“Cassandra…”

 

Cassie clearly heard the disembodied voice but was unable to determine its source.

 

Sam scrambled to her feet just as Cassie got to her and she grabbed her hand, pulling her behind her again, “Nirtti!” She growled, breathless.

 

_“Yes.”_

 

The air in front of the ramp seemed to shimmer and when Sam swung her Beretta the gun suddenly ripped from her hand and flew into Nirtti’s as she deactivated her cloaking device.  She pointed the gun at Sam,

 

“I have come for what is mine,” her metallic voice purred and the gate suddenly shut down, cutting them off from the beta site.  The Goa’uld gave a small, feral smile, “Cassandra,” she called to her again as the gate suddenly slammed back into life; chevrons firing in rapid succession until the gate blew open, “come with me, my child.”

 

“She’s not going anywhere with y…”

 

Nirtti calmly fired the gun two times, both bullets hitting Sam square in the gut.  She stood coolly and watched as Sam cried out and stumbled backward into Cassie’s arms and the two sank to the floor,

 

 _“On the contrary…”_ Nirtti sneered in a dark, dry tone and tossed the gun aside.

 

“Oh, my god…” Cassie whispered and held Sam against her chest, horrified by the blood that too quickly soaked through her black tee shirt.  “Oh, god, no…” Cassie wailed,

 

“Cassie!”  She called into the grayness, “CASSSIE! CASSIE!”

 

***

 

Janet thought the noise of the gate turning and the chevrons locking into place would drive her insane and she got to her feet, her shaking hands held in front of her, “Honey, put down the gun…”

 

“Janet…” Sam gasped as she struggled to her knees; _“no…”_

 

The gate blew open,

 

“Come on, mom!” Cassie ran onto the ramp; “It’s time for us to leave!”

 

“Cassie, no” Janet stepped forward, her hands held palm up in front of her, “Honey, I can’t go with you.”

 

“Yes you can mom, _come on_!”  Cassie held a hand out to her, pleading.

 

“Cassandra, I’m not going anywhere with you.”  Janet’s voice took on a commanding tone, “I’m staying right here, and so are you.”

 

 _“Janet…”_ She could hear Sam’s warning tone through the gasp of pain.

 

Cassie pursed her lips and sneered, her temper snapping at the sounds of activity and shouting outside the doors and in the control room.

 

 _“NO!”_   Cassie screamed, _“You can’t choose her over me!”_

 

“Baby,” Janet’s voice shook, “I’m not; I love you both…”

 

_“NO!  You come with me now!”_

“Cassie…” Janet begged.

 

Cassie’s eyes blazed and her body shook with rage, _“FINE!”_   She finally screamed, “ _STAY HERE!”_ and raised the gun to fire.

 

 _“NO!”_   Sam leapt forward and wrapping her left arm around Janet, spun her around to shield her with her body just as Cassie fired the gun.  Janet could swear she saw the first bullet whiz just past Sam’s head and felt her wife’s body lurch against her as the second of the two bullets Cassie fired hit her low in her back, both hearing and feeling the soft grunt as the air left Sam’s lungs.

 

Janet turned in her arms as Sam slid to the floor, “Oh, no,” She moaned and grabbed at her as they both sank to the gateroom floor.  Janet clutched at her desperately, trying to ease her decent, cradling her head against her chest, “Oh, please, no!”  She threw back her head and screamed, _“I need a medical team in here!”_

 

She frantically felt for the entrance wound, finding the hole on Sam’s low back, just above her hip.  She was about to lay her carefully on her side when she noticed a small, dark stain seeping through the front of her over-shirt.  “Oh, please…” she moaned under her breath, opening the shirt one-handed.  For a nanosecond she stared, in horror, at the exit wound just below Sam’s navel and the blood that poured from it.  She placed her hand firmly over the wound, desperate to staunch the flow of blood, making Sam moan in pain,

 

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart.”  She whispered thickly, tears dripping from her eyes, “Just hang on, okay?”

 

***

 

_“Cassie!”  She pleaded, shouting into the middle place, “Please Cassie!  I need your help!”_

 

Cassie slammed her eyes shut, tears squeezing from the corners,

 

_“Please!  I can’t shut down the gate!  Please come back!”_

She clutched at Sam’s wounds with a blood-soaked hand,

_“Oh, please come back…” she sobbed, “Cassie, please…”_

 

***

 

 _“NO!”_ Cassie screamed aloud _, “I’m not ever going back!”_

Janet looked confused and sniffed, 

 

 “I can’t go with you, honey, I can’t.  I can’t go with you because my place is here.  Don’t’cha see, baby?”  She sobbed as she held Sam with one hand, her other pressed against the exit wound.  She could feel Sam’s rapid, shallow breath against her neck. “Please, Cassie, “she pleaded as tears slipped down her face, “Oh, god… baby, please… please don’t make her die in my arms again.  _Please, Cassie….  Oh please….”_ Dark, twin pools of pain turned upward to her, “Kill me if you want to, but I won’t leave her.”

 

***

 

“I’m sorry, kiddo…” Sam weakly grasped at a bloody hand, “I’m sorry, Cassie, nnnugh…” she rasped, a moan of pain escaping her.

 

Tears streamed down Cassie’s face and she tightened her arm around her,  

 

“Cassie!  Help us!  I can’t stop Nirtti! PLEASE!”

 

***

 

“NO!”  Cassie roared.

 

 _“No…”_ Sam moaned, panting.

 

Her face mottled and shaking with rage, Cassie screamed in frustration and fully extended her arm, holding the gun straight at Janet.

 

 _“NO!”_   Sam struggled weakly in Janet’s arms and suddenly screamed in agony.

 

Janet could feel the contraction beneath her blood-soaked hand and her eyes slammed closed in pain.  She curled herself protectively around her, whispering desperately into her wife’s ear, her voice breaking, “Breathe, baby, just breathe through it; breathe, my love, _easy now… breathe…”_

 

***

 

 _“Come with me.”_   Nirrti commanded, holding her hand out.

 

“No,” Cassie shook her head; she looked down at the woman she held in her arms and squeezed her eyes tightly shut,

 

“ _Please, we need you!_   _We need you to shut down the gate!”_

 

Her patience completely eroded and Nirrti strode forward, her hand outstretched, _“Come with me, NOW!”_ she hissed through her teeth and stopped suddenly in confusion; Cassandra was dressed differently; her hospital scrubs suddenly replaced with jeans and a red pullover,

 

“Go fuck yourself.”  Cassie muttered defiantly and with her mind, shut down the gate and raising her hand, shot Nirrti three times.  She watched dumbly, her face void of expression as the Goa’uld stumbled backward and fell to the floor. She looked down in defeat, her expression changing to bewilderment at the woman she held in her arms,

 

 “I’m so sorry, Cassie,” Sam whispered hoarsely between pained gasps, “I loved your mom… please believe me, I loved her… _so much_.  I’m sorry I couldn’t save her, kiddo.  I am…  I’m so… _unh!”_

 

Sam curled into the young woman’s chest in pain and Cassie finally seemed to realize that she was holding Sam in her arms and instinctively pulled her close, whispering, “Easy, Sam, its okay.” just as she knew her mother had done countless times before.

 

Sam smiled weakly, “I love you… Just as much as I loved your mom...” her eyes slammed shut as another wave of pain hit her, “ _NUGH!_   P-p-please believe me, Cassie, _nnuh… p-please.”_

 

Tears welled in Cassie’s eyes and she nodded, “I know, Sam.” she murmured and raised the gun to her temple; “I know…” she said, and pulled the trigger.

 

***

 

The doors were finally forced open and Janet cried out, her voice breaking, _“I need a medical team in here!”_   She looked down into pained, unfocused blue eyes,

 

“I’m cold.”  Sam mumbled, her teeth chattering slightly.

 

Janet’s chin trembled and she nodded, sniffing, “I know, baby, just hang on, okay?  Stay with me sweetheart….”

 

***

 

Diane was detained at the base entrance until Gen. O’Neill finally sent four heavily armed airmen to escort her to his office.  She was silent and pale as she stood between them in the elevator.  She had asked the sergeant in charge what had happened, but the man was stoically silent; saying only that the general would brief her.

 

“Doctor Rayne,” Jack had tersely greeted her, “Sorry about the escort,” He said as he motioned for her to sit, “but we’ve had _an incident_.”  He explained the events of the previous two hours and gestured vaguely at the monitor with the remote he held in his hand, “This is a recording, with audio and multiple views,” he turned on the monitor and the screen divided into four sections, “of what happened in the gateroom approximately forty-five minutes ago…”

 

Diane watched with growing alarm as Sam suddenly appeared in the four different cameras on the screen; thrown backwards into the gateroom, her TER sent flying, Cassie running in after her.  She watched Sam scramble from the floor, pulling the young woman protectively in back of her as she swung her weapon and Diane’s mouth dropped open when she heard the exchange between Sam and Nirtti, the horror showing on her face when Nirtti shot Sam and she fell into Cassie’s arms.

 

“Oh, my god…” she breathed, unable to blink or tear her eyes from the screen.

 

She watched and listened as Sam begged Cassie to forgive her, and she was oblivious to the tears that slipped down her face, terrified, as Nirtti grew more agitated, and suddenly Cassie was dressed in different clothes and Jack froze the tape.

 

“Just to take a breath and recap here,” he said in a quiet voice, “at this point the two Cassie’s seemed to switch realities, and we got our crazy-Cassie back again,” he pressed his lips together briefly before continuing, “which would account for the change in Cassie’s wardrobe…”

 

Diane looked at him in anguish, “Please…” she whispered in a faint voice.

 

He raised the remote and released the pause button.  Her eyes glued to the screen, she watched as Cassie calmly shot Nirtti, her heart breaking as she listened to Sam tell Cassie she loved her as much as she loved her mother.  Her eyes widened in horror when Cassie raised the gun to her temple and shot herself in the head.  She bolted from her seat and grabbed the monitor at the sound of Sam’s screams; her chest heaving, she watched as Sam tried vainly to struggle from her place on the floor, trying to get to her dead daughter.

 

“Oh, my god…” Diane moaned.

 

The doors had finally been forced open and Gen. O’Neill rushed into the gateroom surrounded by SF’s and a medical team.  Diane watched raptly as Sam was attended to, her attention being diverted only once by the general, who took a zat from one of the SF’s and stood over Nirtti’s corpse and shot her three times, making her body completely disappear, 

 

 “Put _that_ in a fucking sarcophagus.” she clearly heard him snarl and collapsing the weapon, flung it violently against the wall.  He turned to the medical team, departing with Sam on a gurney and yelled, _“Move it!”_

 

Jack watched four versions of himself slowly turn back to hunker down next to Cassie’s body, pressing against his eyes with the heels of his hands.  He froze the image on the screen with the remote and drew a deep, clearing breath.

 

Diane turned to him, her voice breaking, “Is Sam alive?”

 

***

 

“Sweetheart, please let go…. Sam…” Janet begged.

 

Sam gripped the bedrail with her left hand, her body rigid and shaking uncontrollably, _“NO!”_ she gasped, gritting her teeth.

 

Two nurses had rushed to cut her out of her clothes and were trying to turn Sam face up on the gurney, but Sam refused to let go of the bedrail and Janet tried to gently pull her hand free,

 

“Please honey, please… please let it go,”

 

Sam shook her head,

 

 _“It’s too late, sweetheart…”_ Janet’s voice broke and tears dripped from her eyes.

 

 _“No… make them stop.”_ She grunted, “Give me something to stop the… _AHH!”_   Sam cried out as the spasm shook her, _“the contractions…”_ she moaned, breathless.  She pressed her lips together and began to shake even harder.

 

 _“Oh, please, Sam….”_ Janet begged, the bedrail rattled loudly and she held the gripping hand and stroked her wife’s bloody face, “I’m sorry, my love,” she whispered thickly, “we lost her… sweetheart… you have to let go now….”

 

Sam held her breath, denying the inevitable, but a sob broke from her and she cried out as a sudden contraction overwhelmed her and she threw back her head, screaming in agony as a flood of red exploded between her legs.

 

“Gush of blood!”  One of the nurses shouted and Warner nodded to her,

 

“Pack it for now.”

 

 _“I’m sorry!”_   Sam sobbed brokenly, “ _Unh-Janet…”_ She moaned and writhed weakly, _“Janet…”_ She stopped struggling and sank into the thin mattress beneath, her eyes becoming unfocused as she lost consciousness and the team turned her gently on her back.

 

Janet wept and pulled the limp hand from the bedrail to her lips, “Its okay, baby… it’s alright…” she whispered in a choking voice and smoothed the damp bangs from her forehead, “easy now…”

 

A nurse burst into the room, “The O.R.’s ready!”

 

“Okay, let’s move!”  Warner barked and the team pushed Sam’s gurney from the room.

 

~

 

Janet was barely aware of the nurse that pulled a gown, mask, cap and booties on her as they made their way into surgery.  She sat on a stool next to the anesthesiologist and stroked Sam’s face for nearly an hour as Warner worked to repair the damage from the devastating 45 slug that tore through her body and an orthopedist was called to reduce her dislocated shoulder and set her broken arm.  When the tears finally stopped Janet got up and quietly told Warner she was going to scrub in and assist.  

 

When she walked out a nurse arched her eyebrows at the older man, “Is that a good idea?”

 

Warner arched his eyebrows back at her, “You want to try and stop her?”

 

During the five-hour surgery General Hammond summoned Vala and Daniel to the base and while Daniel debriefed Cassie the general and Vala contacted Dr. Dawbray on PeredaVoy and apprised him of Sam’s condition.

 

Vala wrung her hands together as she and the general entered the observation room above the OR.  She waited until Janet stepped back from the operating table before she activated the microphone,

 

“Janet?”

 

Exhausted, red-rimmed eyes turned up to her,

 

“Janet, I’ve contacted Doctor Dawbray and advised him of the situation here…” Vala’s voice faltered and she quickly cleared her throat, “he says to bring Sam to PeredaVoy as soon as she’s stable. They’ll be waiting for us…” She clicked off the microphone uncertainly and waited until Janet finally nodded.  She watched with glistening eyes as the petite woman stripped off her bloody surgical gloves and followed her wife’s gurney from the room.

 

***

 

Diane turned her head briefly when Gen. O’Neill entered the observation booth above the OR,

 

“How’s she doin’?” he asked softly.

 

Diane nodded and cleared her throat, “She coded once, but they brought her back.” She gave him a tremulous smile and turned red-rimmed eyes back to the scene below, “They’re finishing up now.”

 

“Five hour surgery…” Jack murmured, checking his watch, “It’s not like she hasn’t pulled through those before.”

 

Diane turned haunted eyes back to him,

 

“She’s been in there plenty of times and always pulled through…”

 

She only sighed in reply and turned her eyes back to the room below and he asked gently,

 

 “Are you sure you have what it takes to love someone like Sam?”

 

She sniffed and turned to him again, “I love her…” she replied in a soft voice.  While she would readily acknowledge how horrific it must have been for Janet to work frantically to save the life of her wife on the operating table, Diane thought it still had to be better than sitting helplessly in the observation room only to watch and pray, “Loving someone like Sam is easy,” she wiped at the tears that suddenly slipped from her eyes, “It’s seeing her being hurt and helpless to stop it… it’s the fear of losing her that’s hard.”

 

“Yeah, well… that feeling’ll probably never go away.”

 

“No, it won’t.”

 

Jack arched his eyebrows at her.

 

“Loving her.”

 

“Yeah,” Jack’s eyes crinkled softly at the corners, “that too.”

 

Diane sniffed and nodded as she again turned her attention back to Sam, “I will love her past my last breath… always.”

 

Jack looked at her haggard profile for a long time then nodded and patted her on the arm, “Okay…” he murmured softly and rose from the chair, “Just remember,” he said as he left the booth and turned to point a forefinger at her, “when you and Sam tie the knot I get to walk her down the aisle, got it?”

 

Diane nodded, “Absolutely.”  She gave him a small smile as a fresh stream of tears spilled down her face, “Yes, sir…”

 

“I get the second piece of cake, too…” he added as he headed down the stairs.

 

***

 

Cassie waited nervously with Daniel and Vala in the gateroom.  She was dressed in BDU’s and crossed her arms, hugging herself in the slate blue over shirt as she stared at the shimmering event horizon that would take them to PeredaVoy.  Daniel and Vala stayed close to her and Daniel kept an arm around her shoulders.

 

All heads turned as Janet entered the gateroom with the medical team.  She walked alongside Sam’s stretcher, only stepping away to envelope her daughter in her arms,

 

“Mom!” Cassie hugged her tight, “Are you okay?”

 

Janet pulled back, nodding, “Yeah, honey, I’m okay… are you coming with us?”

 

Cassie nodded; her mother looked terrible, but Sam looked even more deathly pale where she lay, bundled and secured on a stretcher piled with oxygen and monitors.

 

Janet looked to the control room and the speakers in the gateroom boomed with Gen. Hammond’s resonant voice,

 

“Good luck and God speed, SG1.”

 

~

 

A very worried-looking Dr. Dawbray waited for them on the other side of the gate and his staff rushed forward to relieve the medical team of their burden. The older man took Janet by the hands and addressed the group,

 

“Please, stand still for transport…”

 

A glowing beam of light enveloped them, transporting them directly to the surgical floor of their fertility and reproduction hospital.  Janet stayed with Sam as they hurried her to her second surgery of the day while a nurse took charge of Cassie, Daniel and Vala.

 

Dr. Dawbray led Janet to a stool next to Sam so she could observe the procedure and she listened intently as Dr. Dawbray carefully explained the repairs he made to Sam’s bowel, removing sutures as he used his planets’ technology to re-grow cells.

 

Janet had become increasingly quiet as he worked and he stole a look at her, “Janet?”

 

Janet nodded from her slumped position, “Yes… yes, I’m listening…” she mumbled as she slipped, unconscious, from the stool.  A young male nurse caught her as she fell and quickly lifted her in his arms,

 

“That’s it,” the older man soothed as he watched the nurse gently deposit her limp form on a nearby gurney, “I knew we’d need that in here.”  He turned to his surgical assistant, “This way she can still be close to her…” he turned back to his work and lifting an eyebrow to the nurse he added, “Please check her vitals and keep her warm.”

 

***

 

Diane held the scarred limp hand to her lips, her eyes never wavering from the pale features.  She had been sitting next to Sam’s bed in the ICU for hours, and for hours Sam had slept fitfully, waking every few minutes, distraught, agitated, calling for her dead daughter, calling for a medical team to help her. Each time she awoke Diane rose from her seat to soothe her; gently murmuring calming words, softly stroking and caressing her face, hands and hair until she slipped back into restless slumber; the naquada and protein marker at constant war with the painkillers Warner pumped into her bloodstream.

 

Weary, pained eyes opened and searched for the sea of worried blue, “Cassie?” she croaked in a hoarse whisper.

 

Diane shook her head, “She’s gone, my love, I’m sorry.”

 

Sam pressed her lips together but a sob broke from her anyway and Diane rose from the chair to lay a gentle hand on her cheek and pressed her lips softly against her forehead,

 

“I’m so sorry, my darling,” Diane whispered thickly, her Aussie accent becoming heavier as she struggled to keep the tears at bay, “Our Cassie switched back, but she forgave you…” She pulled back to look earnestly into Sam’s red-rimmed eyes, “She did love you, Sam… in spite of the bungling Nirtti did to her brain… in her heart she loved you… but there was just too much damage… she was just too far gone, my love…”

 

Tears squeezed from Sam’s tightly closed eyes and she shook her head weakly from side to side.  Diane lowered the bedrail and sat cautiously next to her.  She slid her arms around Sam and held her while she wept,

 

“It’s alright now, my love… let it go, I think Cassie would want you to let it go…”

 

Sam cried brokenly for several minutes and Diane held her until the tears finally began to subside.  When she slowly withdrew her arms and sat up she was surprised to find Sam still awake, 

 

“Is she better off?”  Sam sniffed, her red-rimmed eyes begged for an answer.

 

Diane drew a careful breath and wiped Sam’s tearstained face gently with her thumbs, “Hope versus mercy…” she wiped at her own face then held Sam’s hand in both her own, “an age old question because the answer is never easy, but… for our Cassie, my love…” she nodded,  “I think the answer could be a simple ‘yes’.”

 

Sam’s eyes closed, pain crossing her features,

 

“Sam…” Diane waited until she sniffed, her chin trembling and opened brimming eyes to look pleadingly at her again, “Our only hope was the cryo-unit, and how long could we have kept her in there, my darling?  If we never found a way to correct the damage in her brain… what would have happened to her after we grew old and passed from this world?”

 

Sam squeezed the hands that held her and drew a shuddering breath as more tears of loss spilled from her eyes.

 

“Who would have cared about her then?”

 

Sam shook her head and sniffed, “She would be considered too risky to keep around and be terminated in the unit…” Her chest heaved and she drew a deep, almost clearing breath.

 

Diane pressed the back of Sam’s hand against her lips, “We’ll never know… because of the choice she made … but this may have been the right choice for her, Sam…” she combed fingers through short, blond locks. “General O’Neill says they’re going to keep her body in the morgue until you’ve recovered enough to attend her funeral.”

 

Sam sighed and nodded.

 

“He also tells me SG2 was successful at procuring that quantum mirror and remote and will have Doctor Lee try to contact the Sam in the other Cassie’s reality on the day and time and location she said they meet…”

 

“He’ll make sure the other Cassie’s okay?”

 

“Yes, I’ve asked to be present… I’ll find out.”

 

Sam nodded again, and Diane noted she seemed to sink into the mattress beneath her,

 

“There’s also intelligence coming in that Nirtti’s collected Hak’taurs are in a ship somewhere in our galaxy, fighting each other for dominance…”

 

Sam’s hand gripped hers,

 

“The general believes they will attack at some point…”

 

“So,” Sam rasped, “the fight goes on…”

 

“And so does love…” Diane stroked her face; “Warner says I can transfer you to Academy as soon as you’re stable…so I can keep you close.”

 

“’Kay…” she weakly squeezed Diane’s hand again, struggling to keep her eyes open.

 

“Can you rest now, my love?”

 

“Yes…” Sam whispered, utterly drained, “I can sleep now…”

 

“Good,” Diane murmured softly and gently caressed her face, “and when you have recovered sufficiently I’m going to take you home for a night of endless lovemaking, is that clear?”

 

“Yes, ma’am.” Sam whispered and smiled faintly, her eyes drifting closed.

 

Diane smiled, oblivious to the twin tears that slipped down her face, “Then close your eyes and I’ll watch over you… and when you wake up; right here is where I’ll be.”

 

“Thank you,” tears squeezed from the corners of Sam’s eyes, “I love you, Di…” her eyes became unfocused and her eyelids fluttered briefly before closing, “I love you… so much…”

 

“I love you, Sam…. So rest now, my darling… because when you’re well again I intend to propose marriage to you, Colonel Carter….” She leaned to place another kiss against her forehead, “I love you… so much.”

 

***

 

Sam opened her eyes and fell into the warmest brown she had ever seen.  A small, tired smile tugged at the corner of her mouth,

 

“Hi.” She croaked, her voice barely audible.

 

“Hi, sweetheart…” Janet stroked her cheek with her fingers.

 

Sam lay on her left side, facing Janet in bed and frowned slightly when she tried to grasp the fingers stroking her face and discovered she couldn’t move her arm.  She shifted her head slightly to take in the bed and the room,

 

“Are we home?”

 

Janet’s eyes closed for a moment and she smiled, “No, my love, we are on PeredaVoy.  We brought you here as soon as you were stable, and Doctor Dawbray completely repaired all the bowel resections Warner and I did….” she smoothed back the shaggy blond bangs, “The bullet nicked your kidney, too, but that’s fixed now…” she saw the look of fear in Sam’s eyes, “you lost so much blood, there was just no way to stop the miscarriage,” her lips trembled and she cupped Sam’s cheek, “I’m sorry, sweetheart.” Tears ran from the corners of their eyes and dripped over the bridge of their noses and onto the pillows beneath.

 

Janet sniffed and lightly stroked the smooth skin on her forehead, “He fixed the gash she gave you, here…” her hand moved to lightly stroke her forearm, “and he knitted the breaks in your radius and ulna and eliminated most of the tissue damage in your shoulder. But your arm is still immobilized because you’ve had so many injuries to this poor arm and shoulder in the past,” she sniffed, “So we need to keep it immobile while he keeps working on them, okay?” As she spoke her eyes swept from her wife’s face to her arm, down the specially designed sling and the long tapered fingers and she grasped them gently.

 

Sam nodded, her pale blue searching the depths of her wife’s warm brown, waiting,

 

“And you can still carry our child, sweetheart…” she smiled and leaned in to place a soft kiss against Sam’s lips.

 

The corners of Sam’s eyes crinkled and she smiled even as a soft sob broke from her, “I can?”

 

Janet swallowed, “Yes, my love, you can… the bullet missed your uterus and ovaries, you only miscarried because of the massive shock and blood loss.”  She looked down as she brought up her other hand and held up the 45 slug she’d been holding, “This entered your low back and after tearing through your body… came out and somehow,” her chin trembled and she sniffed again, her voice shaking slightly, “somehow this got caught in your uniform…”

 

One of the nurses who cut Sam out of her clothes gave it to her in the locker room while she changed to take Sam to PeredaVoy, “You’re lucky it didn’t hit you too.” She remarked as she left, leaving Janet to stand in the room alone, looking down wordlessly at the misshapen bullet that rested in the palm of her hand.

 

Sam’s eyes widened in alarm as Janet spoke and she asked in a frightened whisper, “Are you okay?”

 

Janet snorted softly, “Yes,” she nodded, “Yes, baby, I’m alright…” she pressed her lips together in an effort to collect herself, “I’m fine, you protected me…” her voice wavered again, “you saved me, sweetheart… thank you….”

 

Another tear dripped over the bridge of Sam’s nose and she released the breath she’d been holding, “I can’t lose you…” she whispered.

 

Janet gave a soft, amused snort, “You won’t….” she smiled and quietly cleared her throat, “How do you feel?”

 

“Tired…” she sighed, “and… a little weird.”

 

Janet’s brows knitted for a moment, “Doctor Dawbray said you might feel a little strange, their technology is also working to replace your blood quicker than we can on Earth…. Are you in pain?”

 

Sam shook her head slightly, “No.”

 

“Good,” Janet caressed her face again, “Do you remember what happened in the gateroom?”

 

Sam’s eyes brimmed again and she asked, “Cassie?”

 

Janet hurried to soothe her, “We got our Cassie back, and she’s okay.” She sighed, “Evidently a Cassie from another reality jumped in while our two Cassie’s were switching back on Christmas night…”

 

“She tried to take you from me….”

 

“Yes, sweetheart,” Janet’s chin trembled, “She tried, but you stopped her.”

 

Sam sighed and gave her a tired, lopsided grin, “Are we in the hospital?”

 

“Yes,” Janet smiled at her.

 

“How did you get in my bed?”

 

Janet’s smile widened, “Apparently, the Voyans believe keeping the family close and spouses closer can accelerate the patients’ recovery, so the beds here are extra wide,” she sniffed, “and Daniel, Vala and Cassie are in rooms down the hall…”

 

“And you get to stay in here with me?” She asked, her speech starting to slur.

 

“Yep, I get to stay here in this bed with you.”

 

“Good.” She managed to raise her left hand and slid it between the pillow and Janet’s cheek, “I love you…” she whispered, her thumb straining to brush over her wife’s lips.

 

Janet turned into the caress and kissed the scarred palm, closing her eyes as she nuzzled the hand and fingers with her lips and cheek.  When she opened them again a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth, “Sam?”  She whispered; Sam’s eyes had drifted closed, but the soft smile stayed on her face,

 

“Huh?” she asked, her voice distant.

 

“Rest now, love, then come back to me...” Janet breathed against her palm, “and I’ll be right here when you wake up….”


End file.
